The Rumors of My Love Life Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

I think I know what is behind the Mona Lisa's smile -- she had friends who created a love life for her out of thin air.

You see, it all started innocently enough.  Someone who was making my life a bit grumpy left the company.  When that person left, I felt like I could be myself again. I started joking more, smiling more, being more social...  I didn't have someone making underhanded comments or insults cleverly masked as "constructive criticism".  I felt free to be me.


I also had a one on one with my boss who told me that people said I looked mad, mean and grumpy... and stressed out.  I was encouraged to stop looking so fierce.  I hadn't realized I was, but, okay, I need my job so I worked overtime to hide any negative feelings, or stress, or whatever emotion other than joy that showed on my very expressive face. (My mom used to tell me that she could tell when I was up to things because I'm a horrible liar and she could read on my face what I was thinking.)

This unexpected perkiness caused some speculation at work.  Was I seeing someone?  Was I interviewing for jobs?  Had I gotten some really good meds from my doctor?


As a joke, I made the off-handed comment to someone one day that it was just great sex.  It got the reaction I was hoping for.  I could almost hear the chatter that ensued.  Others heard my comment and I had people I hardly know comment that I was "glowing".  Perkier.  Aaaaaaaaah.  

So, last night, I posted on Facebook that I've been incredibly nauseated this week and very very tired.  I had numerous responses suggesting pregnancy.  (I guess not only am I having great sex, but I'm having great unprotected sex...)

I found it a lot humorous and just a little frightening.  THAT kind of rumor is not something I want circulating the internet.   I deleted the status update and all of the comments.  It made me laugh for a bit. 

I even got an email from an ex-love interest who is on my FB list but whom I never talk to asking me if I was seeing someone. I coyly responded that I didn't have to be "seeing" someone to be pregnant.  Hello little flame, here's some gasoline for you.

I'm sorry to disappoint those of you who were planning my baby shower.  It's a sinus infection.

But, thanks for giving me credit for having a love life.  

This reminds me of a time a long time ago when I did have a semi-serious scare and I remember looking up the definition for sperm in the dictionary.

I seem to recall it said something about viscous semen... which I pronounced vicious seamen...  because all sperm consists of is nasty little sailors who want to sail unforgiving seas and lay their anchor.

Ships ahoy, matey!