Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Words of Wisdom

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be



Now that this adventure called unemployment has ended, I want to pull together some thoughts on this journey to possibly help others who find themselves in the same situation some day.


"Motivated Employee" -  If you see an ad for a job that states that they are looking for a self-starter, a motivated employee, or someone with entrepreneurial spirit, it is a sales job.  A commission based, no salary, work from home, kill yourself for leads sales job.  Almost from day one, I was bombarded with requests for interviews from several insurance companies and financial services companies inviting me to meet with "regional directors" who had "administrator" jobs for me.  I nibbled at the apple for one company and then politely rejected the rest. I'm sure that kind of work is good for some but not for me. 



"Too Good to Be True" - If the job sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Late in the game, I discovered that several of the job boards I was using (ziprecruiters is one) were actually lead generators and not real jobs.  I'd go to the site, read a description for a job that sounded almost like something from my resume and click the "Apply Now" button and provide my basic information and attach a resume.  It would say "Company Confidential".  Within minutes of hitting send, my text, email and phone were flooded with all sorts of offers for things, but not one job offer or interview. Sadly, most of these job boards have Terms of Service that state they can and will sell your information unless you opt out, but by using their site, you are waiving your right to opt out.

I also got hit with a lot of "work at home" scams that were pyramid schemes or required me to purchase memberships to services and/or pay a processing fee.  There were several that wanted me to establish a bank account to process payments or use my home address to receive packages on behalf of a third party.  Major Fraud Alert.  Don't do it.  There was a story on the news here recently about a woman who answered one of those ads to "stuff envelopes" and she was arrested for mail fraud because she was using the USPS to launder money for some foreign company that was defrauding its customers, but her name and address was on the shipping label, so she's the one now left holding the bag.

Careerbuilder provided information to me for reporting scams.  If you find yourself victim or possible victim, you should let someone in the internet crimes division know. Email spam@uce.gov or file a complaint at http://www.ic3.gov

Create your own lead list -  As soon as I got laid off, I came home and made a long list of all of the companies in this area that I could think of right off of the top of my head.  Hospitals, banks, mortgage companies, schools, temp agencies, retail, call centers, collections agencies, delivery services, courier services, law offices, credit unions, non-profit organizations, media, etc  

Then, I googled the chambers of commerce for VB and nearby cities, looking for a list of the partners or members to give me leads to smaller companies and businesses I may not know exist.

Drive around and look for the names of businesses near your home. 

Go onto the top job boards and read through the ads, writing down company names as you go, whether you are qualified for the job they list or not.  That company may have other jobs later that you will be qualified for.

LinkedIn - I reached out to all of my connections on LinkedIn with a very basic message asking them to keep me in mind if they heard of jobs.  I also reached out to some of the connections and asked for references and/or recommendations.  A lot of companies ask for your LinkedIn profile.  Look at your profile from an outsider's perspective.  Is your photo professional?  Is your job history complete?  Do you have a nice solid number of connections over a variety of professions and your career?

Resumes - One resume, even if it is written well, is not enough.  I created one resume for administrative type jobs, highlighting those types of jobs in my resume with specific keywords that drew attention to that type of skill.  I created one for mortgage servicing, one for education/training, and one general "professional" resume for blind applying to companies for no specific job.  I had multiple cover letters, too.   Late in the game, when I started to notice that a lot of the big players were rejecting me almost as soon as I hit submit, I realized that a lot of places use software that scans attached resumes for keywords specific to the job.  So, to try to get around this, I started to insert the job description for the job I was applying for on a page within my resume.  I "inserted" a page and pasted the job description straight from their websites with the header "Application For".  I had decided that if they asked why I did that, I was going to say so that I had it for interviewing purposes in case it was taken off of the website.  I got fewer rejection notices immediately after hitting send once I started to do that.  I figured that if they were using a scanning program, then their own words would get flagged and I'd at least get into the review stage.

Social Media - I tried to curtail the amount of negative posts and anything that could be construed as negative, immature, unprofessional, etc on my social media accounts.  My wall is private but that doesn't mean that it is 100% private.  Let's say you and I are friends.  I apply for a job for a company and you happen to have friends who work at that company.  I go to your wall and post all kinds of crazy shit or tag you in photos.  That can be seen by these other people who can go back and say, "Man, what a downer that chick is!  Oh, and she LOOOOOVES her selfies."  I try to take the approach that if the President of a company I want to work at looked at my wall, what would he/she see and would it embarrass me?  I have my settings such that only certain people can see all of my wall and I do frequent "clean ups" where I look at my profile from a third party perspective and delete comments and posts. I'm also not shy about deleting comments other people make and removing tagged items.  My wall. My rules.

Coupons and Budget - Money becomes a cherished commodity when you don't have a job.  I made sure that I had a budget of what I could spend each week if I wanted to.  I made sure to look for coupons and deals and stick to that budget as much as possible.  Gift cards were worth their weight in gold.  A few friends gave me Visa gift cards and Target gift cards for my birthday and I was able to use them to buy groceries and household items.

Dollar Tree - I became a fan of dollar store shopping.  Bread, frozen veggies, milk, eggs, cheese, toilet paper, paper towels, kleenex, pain medicine, vitamins, dish liquid, fabric softener, batteries, cream cheese, bagels, cat treats, and Qtips are just some of the things I bought there.  Why go pay top dollar for brand names when the generic version works just as well.  You can get pretty creative using dollar tree groceries.  They sell name brand canned foods and dry goods, too.

Routine - Try to keep to a routine as much as possible.  When I first got laid off, I got up early every day, went to bed pretty close to my "normal" time and tried to keep moving forward just like I still had a job each day.  Then, as time went on, I slipped.  I started sleeping in later and staying up later.  I'd take naps.  I'd sit and play games or surf the internet for hours before bedtime. I stopped eating at regular times.  It totally messed up my body.

Journal - Even if you are not a journal/writer type, keep one just to have a record of what you've done.  My journal contains bank balances, places I went, jobs I applied for, people I talked to, connections attempted, social activities, moods, dreams, goals, to-dos, dreams, wishes, medical issues, appointments, etc  It is a day by day account of every bit of minutia from the past 4 months.

Self Care - Don't neglect yourself and your needs.  I made appointments at the dentist, eye doctor and family doctor to help keep myself in check. I got a pedicure for my birthday and again for Christmas. I got a haircut and eyebrow wax for the new year. I took my medications and vitamins and tried to drink as much water as I can and not slip into bad eating habits.  I actually ate more fresh fruit and veggies while I was unemployed than I had for the three months leading up to my unemployment. I saved loose change and kept to my budget to make it possible to do these things.  Other than the sleep thing and the random bouts of depression/dark stuff, I worked hard to not totally sabotage myself.  I wish I had gotten more exercise, though.  I just don't like it on a good day and eventhough I had plenty of time to do it, it just wasn't a priority to me.

Side jobs and part time work - I was applying for just about everything so it really annoyed me when people would say, "Well, there's always Walmart!"  No.  I applied.  They never called.  However, if you become unemployed, take a moment to read everything on their website about jobs.  In my mind, I thought I could supplement my unemployment with a part time job or side job.  No.  It doesn't work that way.  I'm glad I figured it out before it was too late.  If you make more than your weekly benefit, you don't get your weekly benefit, so it becomes a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.  I was receiving $300 a week.  That is roughly the equivalent of working 40 hours at minimum wage. So, if I took on any kind of job and my gross income for the week was over $300, I didn't get a benefit payment that week.  If it was less than $300, they subtract that amount PLUS $50 from your benefit, so you actually end up hurting yourself if you do any sort of part time work.  Even if it is one hour of work, you have to report it because they do audits where they check the IRS database for reported hours and new employees and compare it to their own database.  If you take a full time job making less than what you were making before on a temporary or contract basis and it doesn't work out and you try to resume your unemployment benefits, IF they resume, it will be based on what you made at the contract/temp job and NOT at what you were making before, so now you may receive even fewer dollars per week.  It's a very touchy balancing act.  You want to work but you need steady money, too.

Keep busy - Volunteer, hobbies, etc  The more time I spent with myself, the harder it was to motivate myself to leave the house.  I tried to make myself leave for a few minutes each day, even if it was just to take out the trash or check the mail.

Keep hope alive -  I can attest to how hard it is to keep motivated when you don't have something to get up for.  Every day, though, I did take the time to thank my lucky stars for the good friends I did have, the food I had, for Abby, for being alive.  I didn't purposely set out each day to have a bad day, to piss off someone, to test the boundaries of friendships and to cry myself to sleep.  I started each day with a thank you and a prayer for a good day.  I had my to-do lists and goals and worked like the engine that could to make strides towards a better future.  Not every day was a good day, but not every day was a bad day either.  Find the things that bring you joy and make sure you surround yourself with them.

For me, it was listening to music and watching television.  I had to stay away from the social media sites for long periods of time because the newsfeeds were just so negative.  I became super aware of just how many bad things people post on a regular basis.  Critical things.  I'm sure most people don't even realize they are doing it.  I became aware that I did it, too, and I stopped.  If I couldn't say something funny or positive or "neutral" in a comment, then I didn't comment.  Far too many people are quick to point out the negatives or the "what ifs".  I already had my own head doing that to me at night, I didn't need it on my Facebook wall, too.  We've become a cynical, critical, negative nation and I don't want that poison in my blood.  I don't. You shouldn't either.  When you post something, pause and ask yourself, "Is there something else, something positive I can say?" If not, save it.  Everyone has an asshole and an opinion. I don't want to see your asshole, so maybe I don't want to read your opinion either, especially if it's critical or negative. Sarcasm may be funny but it is rooted in negativity. I don't want to be that person anymore.  I want people to leave me feeling like I built them up, not tore them down.

Now, the biggest thing I've learned -  rely on yourself.  No one is going to give you a job, pay your bills, hold your hand when you are sad, and give you the guest room in their house. No matter how much you want it to be that way, it's just not going to happen. I've been pretty self sufficient my whole life because I don't trust anyone to really be there for me.  I can count on all of my fingers and toes the number of times someone has let me down, disappointed me, chosen something or someone else over me, cancelled plans, and/or put me in the corner.  Nobody puts Bevy in the corner and I've just come to accept that I have to take care of me.  I can't wait around on someone else.  All of the best intentions, promises and prayers have the capability of just falling apart. So, I rely on me. I am going to make my life better.  Oh, it's gravy if the good things come too - like people who send cash and gift cards and who offer to move you into a friend's garage.  But, you may not get the gravy.  Be ready for it.  Have an exit strategy of some sort, especially if you were like me and had no safety net. It may sound pessimistic and contradictory to the comments I've made above.  I consider it a realist's advice.  Things go to crap sometimes. You have to be ready for it.  Then, you can go back to being suzy sunshine.


I got what I wanted
Now I don't want anything
Yeah, I got what I wanted
Now my life is just boring 'til
Everything falls apart
Then I get to try to
Put it back together
Everything falls apart
And you can count on
That, you can count on bad
Bad weather this year
 



Monday, February 2, 2015

Starting Over

Everyday we used to make it love,
Why can't we be making love nice and easy,
It's time to spread our wing's and fly,
Don't let another day go by my love,
It'll be just like starting over - starting over


I had a mini breakdown on 12/31/15 when I got news that work for my freelance gig was going to be practically nonexistent for awhile and while it wasn't much work or money, it gave me something to do, something to plan for.  With that being taken away, I felt like it was the straw that broke the camel's back.  I cried, drank a little and spent all of the 1st in bed watching television and refusing to accept reality.  I was done.  I decided I was just going to sit back and let whatever happens happen.

That lasted one day. With the start of the new year, I decided I was going to start over from the top and re-apply to every single job and company I had already contacted.

I decided that this time, I was going to copy and paste any job descriptions at the end of my resumes for the jobs so that if they were using keyword searching software on resumes, then mine would at least get picked even if I didn't have the qualifications.

Leaving the area was no longer a possibility because I had used the relocation money for January's bills.

I became more aggressive with my follow up.  I called companies trying to bypass the receptionists and get to actual people in Human Resources.  I would call at night and leave messages on voice mails.  I would find fax numbers and fax my resume in addition to applying online and/or emailing.

Fierce. Desperate.  The two words become almost equal in worth.

Rejection letters were fast and furious.  Some would come back within an hour or two of applying which made me a bit suspicious.  I also discovered that several of the job boards I had been using were just covers for lead generating websites. I'd apply for a job for some company and then I'd get calls, texts and emails for special offers, penis enlargement, mail order brides, vitamins, pay day loans, credit cards, etc etc etc.  All very frustrating.

Then, on 1/8/15, I had a phone interview for an entry level job at a mortgage company.  The interview lasted nearly 30 minutes and I got a really good vibe from the recruiter.  At the end of the call, she told me that she wished she had something for me, but the only job they had was entry level and I was overqualified for it.  I told her that I wasn't opposed to coming in entry level and working my way up the food chain. 

Then, one week later, I had another interview with the recruiter from the mortgage company.  The questions were more of the same, but a little deeper.  The interview lasted about an hour.  Then, at the end, she said the same as before - that she really wished they had something for me.

I also had a couple of other interviews that day - one for a scammy sales MLM job and one with a temp agency.

The next day, the mortgage company asked me to provide a list of professional references.  "No promises," the recruiter said.  "We just want to have your file ready in case."  They checked my references two days later.  My wonderful friends all wrote rave reviews of me and I tell you, it really made me feel loved.  It was almost like the end of It's A Wonderful Life when everyone rallies around George to help him save his bank and life.  I was so deeply touched by the kind words. I wanted to be hopeful -- a company doesn't go to that much effort if they plan on not offering you a job, right?

But, two summers ago, I went through 5 grueling interviews over the course of two months, even meeting with the president of the company AND taking a writing/editing test only to be told two months later that there hadn't been a job and they kept hoping one would come up while they were interviewing me.  So, with that in my head and heart, I didn't want to get too hopeful.  Yet, I did want to get hopeful.

Then, last Friday (the 23rd), the recruiter asked for writing samples.  I provided a nice assortment of samples and crossed my fingers.

Then, on the following Monday, I got invited to interview at 2:30 on Wednesday.

The interview lasted 1 1/2 hours and it was with two department heads.  I felt absolutely energized leaving that interview and at the end, they jokingly said, "This is where we go upstairs and fight over you" and I wanted to be hopeful, but my sensible side kept that emotion in check.  My friend Shelley kept saying, "oooooooh, they want you...." and I'd say no. This could be a repeat of the summer of 2013.

However, the next day, my wishes and prayers came true and the recruiter called me with a job offer and depending on when you read this, I may have already completed my first full day.

I cannot even begin to put into words the happiness and excitement I felt hearing that they had a job for me.  A job I want to do in a field I feel comfortable.  No training.  No sales.  No toting laptops from building to building.  They have a "no drama" philosophy and I had an overall positive feel for the company.  I have a feeling they treat their hard workers well.  

I am eager for this next chapter and wish it could have all happened sooner. 

The past 4 months were horrible.  I don't wish this on anyone.  The loneliness.  The fear.  The anxiety. The depression.  The self doubt.  Disappointment. Frustration. Anger.  Desolation. Desperation. My life has been an emotional roller coaster and every day, I prayed for a miracle of some sort.  Every day, I wished I could make people see things through my eyes and feel what I was feeling so that they could see what I was feeling and how I was feeling.

Some of my relationships are stronger because of the support I received and some of my relationships are weaker because of missed opportunities, selfishness, etc. I've pushed envelopes and tested boundaries.  Some people understood. Some people did not.

It is all behind me now.  I refuse to let any more negativity and criticism into my life.

I put on Facebook a couple of weeks ago that the people who could not handle me during this dark time and expected me to be happy every minute of every day (I'm not a Disney movie) and gave up on me when I didn't jump to their commands are not going to be invited along on my new journey now that I'm turning things around. 

The biggest lesson I've learned is that times of hardship reveal what and who are important to a person.  I've also learned to value those people who are worth their weight in gold and just let go of those who are not.

The third thing that I do now when my world caves in,
is I pause, I take a breath, and bow and I let that chapter end.
I design my future bright not by where my life has been.
And I try, try, try, try, try again.
Yes I try, try, try, try, try again.

Things are looking up
I know beyond the dark the sun is rising
Things are looking up
And I know above the clouds the sun is shining
Things are looking
Love is still the answer I'm relying
On

- 3 Things, Jason Mraz


Sunday, February 1, 2015

Karma

Karma Karma Karma Karma Karma Chameleon
You come and go
You come and go
Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dream
Red, gold and green
Red, gold and green


December is the month I became overly aware of how little I visibly do to earn karma points.  Not that I think I've been blazing a trail of bad juju and collecting bad karma points because I'd like to think in a world of fakes, I'm real; in a world of liars, I tell the truth; in a world of takers, I'm a giver, etc.

However, coming off of my "why me?" maelstrom that was November, I decided I needed to be more caring towards things that are important to me. Needed to shift some positive energy and send out some to get some back.

I found myself reading all of the community posts on craigslist at night and aching because there were so many people who needed toys for their kids, food for their families, jobs, cars, clothing.  Most were written badly and part of me suspected that a good many of them were probably people who didn't need the money at all and just milking a sympathetic society.  However, I'd read these posts and think, "How can I help?"  I wanted to feel good about myself.  I wanted to know that even during my darkest times, I could still help people.  My friend Mandy has told me on more than one occasion that she is so worried that the whole experience of being constantly disappointed and hurt by people during my unemployment would cause me to become cold and less caring.

So, I took the $20 I had set aside for groceries the first week of December and bought a Christmas gift for some woman who said she was a disabled vet and needed something for her 3 year old grandson.  I figured I could make someone happy.  She wanted cash or gift cards.  She may have scammed me.  I don't know.  But, I sent her an Amazon gift card for $20 and told her to get her grandson a toy.  Another person posted that they needed food for their cats and were on a limited budget.  I went through Abby's "I don't like that anymore" food stash and filled a paper shopping bag with treats and food. I met the person in the PetSmart parking lot.  She said thank you and took the food.  I hope she wasn't scamming me, but what could she do with a bag of opened yet still fresh cat food?

Then, I discovered a charity called For The Love of Alex.  They help people who cannot afford pet vet costs and who have been denied credit for the care of their pets.   If you've been reading my blog from the very beginning, you know that I suffered through having a cat get sick and have to be hospitalized.  I remember the day I took her in because she was gasping for air and hadn't eaten for three days and they told me it would be over $1500 to hospitalize her, put her on fluids and medication and do an examination.  I didn't have that kind of money.  I applied for care credit and got denied.  I was sitting there in the Vet ER with Molly in a crate trying to think of how to come up with the money to do this.  I had $1530 in my savings account and I made the decision to transfer the funds and wipe out my savings and hand her over to the vet.  I just couldn't believe that a vet wouldn't see a dying pet without payment up front.  While I was there with Molly, a man came in carrying this big gray dog who had blood coming out its mouth and the receptionist would not let him go to the exam room with the dog until he paid.  If I had the fortitude to deal with all sorts of animals, I'd go back to school to be a vet and be one who would allow payment plans and options. 

I digress.  This charity tugged at my heart strings and I became emotionally attached to the stories. So many fur babies needing help.  I donated $2.00 - $3.00 whenever I could and promoted the site on my FB wall to generate interest.  I even reached out to the charity admin to offer up my services as a writer or social media helper because I knew it had to be time consuming to deal with all of the comments and questions.  She and I talked about how there were over a thousand people who posted "Praying" on one animal's post but she only received $150 in donations, total, over a three day period.  I made the comment about how if each person just gave $1 every time they posted that they were praying, they could make a difference.  I shared my own story with her, about being unemployed and getting that kind of stuff, too.  Not that I expected every friend or acquaintance to give a dollar, but if money is the root of a problem, then it would just naturally occur to me to offer money AND emotional support.  She (the admin) asked if she could feature Molly and Abby on her site for the holidays and share my story.  I said yes.  She asked if I'd be offended if she sent Abby a Christmas gift.  I said no.  She said it wouldn't come until after the new year, but she'd send something to help me out.  A total stranger who didn't even know me wanted to help Abby.  I was so touched. 

I helped promote other people's crowd funding sites, donating as much as I could, when I could.  

While trying to get my spiritual and karma energy back on track, I was still pressing forward with the job search.

I had to attend a mandatory meeting at the unemployment office the first week of December.  It was a rehiring workshop to give us tips on how to get back to work faster.  The basic message was "don't be picky" and the average age of the participants was 45ish.  The one huge thing I got out of the workshop is that I was doing all of the right things to get a job.  I just had a lot of competition.

I reached out to the finance company the second week of December and the recruiter responded that they were "still" trying to find the right fit, which was my way of knowing I wasn't going to be getting a job offer. 

I came up with this brain child that I was going to reach out to all of the advertising, communications and marketing companies in town and offer my services for free as a way to get experience and get my foot in the door.  I only heard back from two and they informed me that they only use college interns. 

Every time a door would shut in my face, I'd go around to the back of the house and try to find a window to crawl through.  

I tinkered with going back to school and got stalked by a college in Colorado.  The only reason why I was considering it was because someone at the unemployment workshop mentioned that you could get student loans to help cover room and board while you go back to school and in my mind, I thought I could enroll in some kind of master's program, get the maximum student loan, pay rent for a month or two and take just the minimum number of credits to keep myself in active student status.  Yeah, not the best idea I ever had.  The college cost was going to be $36k for an 18 month program and the "most" I could get out of the student loan was going to be $1200 a semester and you didn't even see that money until 6-8 weeks into the program.  I politely told the admissions person I wasn't interested and that finding a job was a bit more important and she was persistent.  I still get calls and emails from her eventhough I've given her a hard no, I'm not interested.

I broke down around Christmas and asked my mom if there was any way at all that she could find a room for me there or a place for me.  As I think I've mentioned before, they are hoarders ten times the extreme of what you see on those television shows.  Her response was that there was just no place for me and it would take a lot of work to clean out a room.  I was willing to live with dog feces and cat urine and mold and whatever other gross things live in their house to avoid homelessness and got shot down.  I did get some pity cash for Christmas, though.  Enough to buy some groceries and put towards January's bills.

I also tried to convey the message to several people that when I said I was going to be homeless soon, I wasn't joking or being overly dramatic.  My friend Mandy stepped up and volunteered a neighbor's garage apartment and said she'd come get me if I got to that point.  I told her that the end of January was that point, that if I didn't have a job by then and some sort of paycheck in February, then I was done.  It was homelessness or suicide because I didn't think I'd survive homelessness.  A few others stepped up with the offer of a home, too, when they realized I wasn't joking about this situation.

I got to have dinner with my friend Edmon before Christmas.  That was nice.  It was so nice to have human interaction.  Other than leaving the house to run errands, look for work, etc I hadn't had any face to face contact with a friend since the week of my birthday in October.

My microwave died in December and my friend Shelley helped finance a new microwave.

I had just one real interview in the month of December for a sales position at a lawn care company.  The hours and pay were dismal and the guy who interviewed me sniffed me as I was leaving and told me I smelled nice.  He interviewed me wearing a brown turtleneck and gray sweatpants and creeped me out.  They didn't offer me a job and I didn't really think they would because I told them I didn't feel safe going into parts of Hampton Roads alone to do door to door sales.

Abby and I had a low key Christmas and my wish to Santa was for the new year to bring me some new opportunities and things to look forward to.  We felt badly that we couldn't shower everyone with gifts like usual but we did the best we could with what we had.