I Once Was Lost

When the TV show LOST was on the air (insert moment of silence), I was a huge fan.  

In the 6 years that the show was on, I only missed watching one episode as it aired.  I was an avid member of a fan site and would spend hours analyzing, discussing and picking apart the show.  I own all of the seasons on DVD.  "I'm going to have to watch that again," became a private joke among myself and my Lostie friends whenever we re-watched a favorite episode.  I still know all of the "numbers." (4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42)

This afternoon, after working the PT job, going to the rec center, running errands, getting a manicure, and doing laundry, I took a nap.  The sinus infection requires rest but there's just so much to do.  However, I did allow myself a brief respite from my to-do list. I slept for 2 1/2 blissful hours.  Even Abby felt pity on me and slept on "her side" of the bed instead of on my head, pillow or other personal space.

I had a dream that melded TITANIC and LOST into one mini-movie type dream.

In my dream, I was walking through the jungle, heading towards some sort of temple or altar.  When I arrived, all of these people -- all of the LOST characters, some of the TITANIC characters, co-workers (past and present) and friends -- were gathered.  As I approached, they parted to make way for me to walk through them.  Some acknowledged me.  Some smiled at me.  Some were crying. Some avoided eye contact.

Once I made it through the crowd, I arrived at two doors.  Both doors were similar -- huge, thick and made of stone.  Very foreboding.  I knew I had to choose a door but didn't know which door to choose.  I turned back towards the crowd, but they were moving further and further away from me.   I reached out towards them, trying to grasp a hand.  I opened my mouth to cry out but no words came out.  The faces all started to blur and the people seemed to disappear into thin air.

A voice softly whispered, "You must choose."  

I moved towards the door on the left but something in my gut told me not to go there.  So, I moved to the door on the right, but then my heart told me not to go there.  

I looked upwards and asked out loud (finally finding my voice), "What if I'm not ready to choose?"

Then, I woke up.

Now, dream interpreters would analyze this to mean that I feel like I'm at some sort of crossroads... that I have a decision to make.  But, I don't.  I've been wracking my brain all night trying to figure out what the dream could mean.  I have no "choices".  I don't have any kind of good vs evil, new job vs old job, new home vs old home....  blonde guy vs brunette guy (just a bit of humor...)  I'm surprisingly drama-free at the moment.

I bought a few lottery tickets last night.  Maybe my choice will be whether to stay here or move away... or buy a beach house or buy the big farmhouse and plot of land...  or .... 

Maybe it meant nothing at all.

I think back to a modern poetry class I had to take my senior year of college and how I hated analyzing the poems and how I suggested to the professor one day that perhaps, just perhaps, the "little red wagon" in one of the poems was not a metaphor for anything.  Maybe the poem really was just about a little red wagon.