You're My Hero

Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream
of what I need

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight

I have a hero fetish.  Well, ok, fetish is probably too strong of a word.  I have a hero fantasy.

Because I tend to be pretty self-sufficient and independent, I don't like to let people "help" me with things.  I tend to try to do it all.  I usually end up being the one trying to be the "hero" and helping others.  Control issues. Family issues.  Whatever.  It's inside of me.  I often take on tasks or missions that are probably beyond my limits for fear of needing help.  There are probably underlying trust issues, too.

When I was moving from Marietta to Columbus in 1996, I had two college kids lined up to help me load the U-Haul and then a friend and her boyfriend were going to help me unload the U-Haul once I got to Columbus.  On the day I was to move, neither college kid showed up.  So, instead of asking anyone for help, I carried box after box after box of items down two flights of stairs and down the block to the U-Haul.  The small and lighter things were not so bad.  However, I nearly killed myself trying to move a large heavy object.  Finally, the maintenance man in the boarding house where I was living took pity on me and helped me take the rest of the heavier items to the truck.  "Why didn't you just ask for help?" he asked.  I just shrugged it off.

Then, when I got to Columbus, my friend Lois and her boyfriend were nowhere to be found.  When I finally got her on the phone, she made some excuse.  So, I had to repeat the unloading process in Columbus.  Again, the smaller and lighter items were no big deal.  I am woman.  Roar.  Then, I got to the heavier items.  I even contemplated just leaving them in the U-Haul and saying the hell with it.  Just as I was ready to throw in the towel, one of my new neighbors saw me struggling and helped me unload the last few items. 

The lesson I learned from that was to hire people who are contractually obligated to help you whenever you need to move.

That said, whenever any sort of "disaster" strikes or might strike, all sorts of fantasies and daydreams run through my head about my white knight riding in to save the day.  I don't want to be the strong one all the time.  I don't need to be the strong one.  However, finding hero-types these days -- not so easy.  

If it's a snow disaster, I always daydream that I'm driving and get stuck in a snow bank... or get forced off of the road due to bad conditions or road closures and some super fantastic good Samaritan type man will tap on my window and ask me if I need anything.  At first, I'll decline the help and he'll leave me alone.  But, then, as I sit in my car, shivering and wishing I had thought to pack a blanket or something, the man will come back and just happen to have a blanket in his hands.  He'll then tell me he has hot chocolate or something and offer that to me.  At some point, we end up in the same vehicle together, sharing warmth, hot cocoa and talking about everything and anything until the bad weather passes.   Sometimes, the fantasy involves me needing to seek shelter and there is this cabin, with a fire blazing and lights on, in the middle of nowhere.  I'll knock on the door and there is some hero-wannabe, inviting me in and letting me warm up.  

Depending on the type of weather disaster, I have all sorts of scenarios that involve someone helping me out.

With the hurricane looming, my mind fills with images of someone, anyone noticing that I didn't buy groceries or that I don't have a grill or whatever and stops by to check on me.  "Hello, I just moved into the apartment across from yours and happened to notice that you don't have a grill...  I have a lot of defrosting meat that I'm going to be grilling later if you'd like to stop by."  Of course, I protest that I'm fine and he leaves.  But, then later, he comes back and insists that I come over because it's just too much and he's too new to know anyone to share it with.  I go and we end up sharing a meal, maybe some adult beverages and spend the night getting to know each other (very PG 13, of course).

Aaaaah, I need a hero.  I need a smaller town with nicer people.  A generator.  Non-perishable foods.  And a hero.