Gym Class Heroes

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

(Yes, I know the song is about sex... However, she's wearing spandex in the video and working out, so it seems fitting for my blog post...)

As of today, I've lost 36 lbs since January. I'm down a whole size and can wear jewelry that used to be too tight.  I wish it were more.  I used to be able to lose weight quicker and easier. I know, I know, it's better than a gain.   At this pace, I'll be 101 before I'll be at my target weight and I highly doubt Victoria Secret sells anything sexy for the thin 100+ age group. 

So, I know I need to do more.  Eat less, do more, eat less, do more.  It has been my mantra.

I think I have the eating less thing down but I can't quite make myself do more.  As in "do more exercise."

My company has a walking group that meets every Wednesday night after work to do a few laps around the building.  A co-worker has been encouraging me to join them.  "It's not so bad.  I'll walk with you," she said.

So, I went last night.  Wearing an old pair of Keds and an old t-shirt and carrying my cell phone (in case I needed to call the squad) and my water bottle.  

I only made it a little over a 1/4 of a mile before I quit.

I was telling a co-worker and he made the comment that it sounded like ditching gym class and I told him it was exactly what it felt like.

The reality is -- the whole thing reminded me of a bad bad high school gym class memory.

I hated gym class.  I hated being forced to run laps and do pushups and then showering with other girls who had far better bodies and probably far better self images than I did.  I remember begging my mom to please please please find some way to get me out of gym class.  I would fake cramps to get out of swimming.  Luckily, I had a kind family doctor who could be paid to write an excuse stating that I had medical issues that prevented me from doing hard-core phys ed.  I was in "remedial phys ed" in high school.   

What does on do in remedial phys ed?   We walked.  We walked around the inside of the gym.  We walked around the softball field.  We walked around the football field.  We walked up and down the halls.  Over and over every day.  Some days, if the remedial gym teacher was feeling generous, he'd let us sit in his office and help him clean trophies and organize things.  Sometimes, I was the only person in "remedial gym" and the teacher and I would play board games and do crossword puzzles.

I digress.

So, last night, I told everyone (all 5 of them) that I was slow and that my goal was just to move a little bit.  I wanted to break a sweat and burn some calories.  I wanted to do a leisurely pace and when I felt like I had reached my saturation point, I was going to quit.  Two of the women took off as soon as the "leader" said go.  One of which was the co-worker who said she'd walk with me and motivate me.  They are doing this thing where they walk a bit, sprint a bit, walk a bit, sprint a bit.  I can't run due to nerve damage.  In fact, walking takes some concentration because I can't feel anything in my left leg and I have to watch for uneven pavement, etc.  One of the ladies, bless her heart, tried to stay with me.  But I could tell she also wanted to walk faster.  So, I excused her from the responsibility of walking with me and told her to just go ahead.  She told me that they use the buddy system and that no one walks alone.  That made me feel pressure to walk a little faster so that she could be more productive.  The leader kept barking out "encouragement" and running around me in circles like an ankle-biting dog.  She wanted to engage in conversation.  I was trying not to huff and puff out loud.

All the while, I kept thinking about how hot it was, how smoky it was (there's a wild fire nearby causing smoky air) and how my too-tight casual sneakers were rubbing blisters on my toes and insoles.  I kept worrying about holding back my co-worker.  I kept thinking about the people inside the building watching me/us walk.  Then, I started to feel dizzy.

In an idiotic move yesterday, the only things I had to eat all day were 1/2 a banana, two cheese cracker sandwiches and a piece of chocolate.   And 64 oz of water.  I didn't stop to eat dinner before walking.  I'm also a diabetic who needs to eat regularly to keep my sugar levels normal.  I screwed up and started to feel light headed.

So, I gave up.  Around the 1/4 mile mark.  I cut between two buildings and headed back to my car, with the "leader" following on my heels asking me if I was coming back or if I was taking a break or if I'd keep doing it or if I was going to do something else....  All I could hear was my pulse tapping in my temples.  I shook her off and grunted some answers and came home.

I took a nice long shower, doctored my blisters, ate some soup, played on the computer and then cried a little over how disappointed I was in how poorly I did.  :(

I couldn't focus on the "but I did 1/4 mile".  All I could focus on was the embarrassment of crapping out at 1/4 mile.  I wanted to make it at least one loop around the building, which is allegedly .57 miles.

However, I am determined to do better and be better.  I just don't think this is my thing right now.  I don't do well in high-pressured situations.  I'm fairly competitive.  However, I usually try to pick competitions where I have some sort of fair shot.  This is not one of those situations.  I shall stick to the rec center for now.  I think the granny group in the pool is probably more sympathetic to my needs. 

I'm also wondering if my old family doctor is still alive and can write me an excuse to get out of it. :)