Need A Little Patience

She wants to lead the Glamorous Life
She don't need a man's touch
She wants to lead the Glamorous Life
But without love it ain't much 

I love getting manicures and pedicures.  When I lived in Ohio, I didn't treat myself to them as much as I do here, but I also didn't spend approximately 7 months out of the year wearing some sort of sandal or open shoe.  The pedicures are practically mandatory here.  I enjoy them, despite the fact that my feet are ticklish and I usually writhe in agony when they touch the bottom of my feet.  

Manicures are somewhat new for me.  I've been getting them to help curtail my nasty habit of chewing my nails.  Yes, yes, I'm a nail biter.  Hello, my name is Beverly D. and I bite my nails when I'm stressed or worried.  I've tried all sorts of things to keep myself from doing it, and the only thing that works lately is knowing I paid $20 to have someone paint them (well, ok, they do more than just paint them).

Every now and then, I get emails inviting me to try various local things for a reduced price. A few weeks ago, there was an invite to try a "deep pore facial" at some spa here in town for $30.  The regular price is $75.  I thought to myself, "Self, it's been almost 4 years since you've had a facial.. and you've been looking a little tired lately, why not indulge?"  So, I bought a certificate for the facial.

I had a facial, my first, about 4 years ago, when I first moved here, on the suggestion of my family doctor who felt I need to relax. (I was originally going to use the lyrics for RELAX at the top of my blog but I quickly realized it was all about orgasm and trust me, there was no orgasm involved in this facial.)  I went to a place called the Phoenix Spa and plopped down an obscene amount of money for a facial.  True, the place was nice.  Really nice.  Fluffy robes, fuzzy slippers, water flavored with mint, lemon, cucumber and orange (not all together).  They even offered snacks and such, like you see on TV.  I just wanted a facial.

I didn't enjoy it.  I don't know why I thought things had changed since then.

This place did not have robes or slippers or anything special.  The best part of the facial was the actual cleansing and such, but then they slapped a "deep cleansing" mask on my face, turned on elevator music (I heard a musak version of TO MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE which will not leave my head now) and said, "I'll be back in 30 minutes."  Whaaaaa?  30 minutes?

As soon as she left, my stomach started to growl.  I was up at 6:30 today, had breakfast around 7:30, worked my PT job for 3 hours, then went to the rec center, then skipped lunch, and it was going on 1:30 at this point.  Then, I had to go to the bathroom.  Then, I couldn't get comfortable.  I am not someone who can sit still for very long.  At work, I have to get up every 30 minutes or so just to pace or something.  I'm frequently repositioning myself in my chair.  I am a leg jiggler and chair swiveler.  I even toss and turn so much when I sleep that my bed looks like a war zone when I get up in the morning.  So, to make me lie on my back for 30 minutes, with a thick mask on my face, listening to musak... TORTURE.  I couldn't get anything to eat or drink.  I couldn't go to the bathroom.  (Well, I could have but it would have been a tad bit embarrassing to explain.)

I know the point is to lie there and relax.  I couldn't do it.  I thought about work (both full-time and part-time jobs.)  I thought about stuff I put on Facebook Friday night that I regretted doing.  I thought about how expensive my upcoming vacation to Vegas is going to be.  I thought about what I could make for dinner.  The only positive thing I thought about was that I noticed my stomach is flatter when I lie down.

When she came back and released me from my mask prison, I was so happy.  "Are you almost done?" I asked.  I think I scared her.  "Most people fall asleep.  Were you awake the whole time?"  Um, yes. YES!

She told me to take my time getting up because I might be dizzy and to feel free to linger as long as I wanted. 

As soon as she left, I eased my stiff back off of the table, went to the bathroom, put in eye drops because my contacts were fused to my eyeballs and tried to make some semblance of order to my hair which was sticking up all over the place like a troll's. 

As soon as I got home, I washed my face.  True, it is very smooth and feels great.   But, until they find a way to do an express facial, I'm going to have to put "facials" in the "NO" category of things I like to do.