U Got It Bad

You got it, you got it bad when you're on the phone
Hang up and you call right back
You got it, you got it bad if you miss a day without your friend
Your whole life's off track

Know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house
You don't wanna have fun, it's all you think about
You got it bad when you're out with someone
But you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else, you got it bad

I was running errands this afternoon and the song U Got It Bad by Usher came on the radio.  It was raining at the time and I actually listened to the entire song.  This is something I haven't been able to do in a long time.

I immediately felt my face get warm and I was transported to a time about 6 years ago when I had some majorly serious feelings for a guy, whom seemed to be digging me the way I was digging him. I couldn't tell though, to be honest.  I'm just not good at reading signs and since I tend to be flirty, when a guy flirts with me, I just assume he's like me and that it's not serious.   However, that said, I *thought* maybe there was more there.  My friends seemed to think so, too, and you know friends are never wrong with their romantic advice. (snort)

Man, I miss those days in grade school when a boy liked you, he gave you a note that said "I like you.  Do you like me?  Check Yes or No." 

I digress.  I love Usher.  I love his songs.  But, now, whenever I hear "U Got It Bad", I get so embarrassed and have to change the channel immediately, which is a shame because the lyrics are pretty good, pretty heartfelt.  Pretty real.  I mean, who hasn't sat at home staring at the phone waiting for someone to call? (This was pre cell phone mania.)

You see, this guy and I were driving around in my car one rainy day, trying to find something to do to pass the time, and I had the Usher CD in my CD player.  My CD player had this "repeat" function where you could program it to play a specific track over and over.  Before he got into the car, I programmed it to play "U Got It Bad" over and over and over and over and...  in the hopes that he'd listen to the song and look at me and say, "THIS is our song!  THIS is exactly how I feel!" 


As the lyrics say:
Look at your mate, help me sing my song
Tell her I'm your man, you're my girl
I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world
Ladies say I'm your girl, you're my man
Promise to love you the best I can

I was so naive.  So dumb.  After the third playing of the song, he told me, "You know, I think I'm going to have to play this song for (insert another woman's name)."

I said, "Oh, does she like Usher?"  I was very casual.  However, I could feel this moment of dread building.  If it had been a horror film, you'd hear the increased sound of a cello or other string instrument as a Zombie appeared out of nowhere behind my car.

He said, "I don't know, but I like her."  The way he said "like" was not the "I like her as a friend" type of "like".  It was the "I want to see her naked" kind of "like".

I pretended not to hear him at first.  I think I may have made a comment about the rain and how maybe I should just take him home because I wasn't really in the mood to do anything in the rain.  

He seemed confused.  

After that, I pulled myself back from the relationship.  I had already passed the "just friends" phase and knew I couldn't offer objective advice to him.  I didn't want to hang with him, talk to him or do anything with him after that. If he didn't want to be with me, I didn't want him around.

I quit cold turkey and I never really told him why I was taking away the friendship.  I became "too busy" to do things.  I became focused on a 2nd job, losing weight, taking care of Molly (my previous cat who died last May), etc.  All of the energy I used to put into him, I transferred to other things.

I used to rationalize that it was going to end eventually because he and I were from two different planets and had very little in common.  I liked him.  He liked that I liked him. He took advantage of it.  I kept hoping things would change. I played the "good girlfriend" so well I figured he'd want to make it real.

When u got it bad, u sometimes do dumb and irrational things.

Turns out that she had it bad for someone else.  Neither one of us got what we wanted.

I guess he and I had a lot more in common that what I thought.