Unwell

Hold on

I'm feeling like I'm headed for a

Breakdown

I don't know why

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell

I know, right now you can't tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see

A different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired

I know, right now you don't care

But soon enough you're gonna think of me

And how I used to be

I'm the worst kind of sick person.  I'm the sick person who knows they are sick days before they admit it and walk around, functioning like normal, probably and possibly spreading germs, denying that they are sick.

Movies like CONTAGION were probably based on people like me.

Last week, I started to feel a little weird.  A little sluggish.  I was waking up feeling slower than normal and wanting to go to bed earlier than normal.  I tried to blame the fact that the sun was rising and setting at different times, but deep down, I sensed maybe I was getting sick.

Then, on Friday, I had a headache all day and felt kind of hot and cold at the same time.  I blamed the temperature change. 

Then, on Saturday, I woke up feeling cranky, achey and congested.  I blamed the rain.  And maybe PMS.

On Sunday, my ears started ringing and crackling and my throat was hurting.  I blamed procrastination, sleeping with the windows open and allergies.

On Monday, I woke up feeling nauseated.  I blamed it on the fact that it was Monday... and the California Whopper I ate Sunday afternoon that wasn't on my diet plan.

All day Monday, I felt a little odd.  Just not right.  I blamed it on the stuffed chicken breast and brussel sprouts I had for lunch.

Yesterday, I still had the scratchy throat and added coughing, sneezing, dizziness, sick headache and gurgling tummy to the mix.  I kept using antibacterial gel and whenever my office mate would leave the office, I'd spray some disinfectant around my desk.  Trying to contain the germs.  I didn't feel like talking.  This had to give Gordon a nice break because whenever we have the office to ourselves, I feel the need at some point to talk to him about something to give my brain a break, despite the fact that I know that his to-do list is just as long as my to-do list and is probably a bit more complicated since he does system stuff. He's too nice to tell me to shut the f*ck up.  I digress.  I think the only thing I talked to him about was 30 seconds about the increased air traffic over our office and my concern we were at war. :) 

By the end of the day, I was grumpy, weepy and my chest was hurting.  I could not wait for 4.  I think I burned rubber at the red light when it turned green because I was in such a hurry to get home.

Now, I had every intention of getting some sudafed, soup and ginger ale and just going to bed as soon as I got home.

Did I do that?  No.

I stopped and bought the sudafed, soup and ginger ale.  Then, I stopped and got lottery tickets and gas in my car.  The low fuel light kept coming on and I didn't risk running out on my way to work.

Then, I watched two days' worth of the Ellen Degeneres show while waiting for the sudafed and soup to kick in.  Then, I started to watch another show but then it reminded me of one of my college friends who died this past year and that made me sad.  So, I blogged about death and how I don't do well with death (see previous blog) and listened to sad music on Pandora.  I cried a little thinking about how pathetic I am that I can't cry when someone dies.  That gave me a headache and puffy eyes so I took a hot shower and crawled into bed. 

I tried to sleep but then I remembered that NEW GIRL was supposed to premier so I watched that and then I went to sleep.  I kind of liked it.  I liked her quirkiness but wondered if it will be "too much" after watching it week after week.  I also bet that they end up having her develop a crush on one of her male roommates. That's how my mind goes.  (See Friends with Benefits blog.)

I had disturbing dreams all night and kept waking up because I couldn't breathe or swallow.  I blamed Abby for getting her fur all over my pillows.  I took a benadryl and 2 more sudafed (I have a feeling that's probably NOT a good combination) and went back to bed. 

Around 4, my heart started racing because of all of the drugs in my system (I'm not supposed to take sudafed but it's the only thing that works when my ears get crackly and my head closes up) and then I got myself worked up (see the Every Breath You Take blog) and couldn't breathe normally.  I had a panic attack. 

Long story short, by the time the alarm went off at 6, I was a mess.  

So, I texted off.  Can't say I called off cause I didn't call anyone.  I have no voice.  Well, I have some voice but it is the voice of someone who is trying too hard to sound all raspy and sexy ("Hi there, big boy, what are you wearing?") or that of someone who has smoked a pack a day for the last 30 years.  I hear that is how Adele got her voice.  Maybe I should quickly compose and record a love song and get rich?

I feel like crap. I can't stop coughing, which leads to hacking and gagging.  I don't want to contaminate my co-workers any more than I have.  Now, if I could have worked from home today, that would have been great.  I can still type, obviously.  My sense of humor is intact as well.  I just need to take naps.  But, alas, my computer and remote access stuff is at work.  Plus, I'm a trainer.  Don't know that they'd let me set up raspy WebExes from my apartment.  Everyone would get to see my baby pink floral granny gown and puffy eyes.  AAATTRACTIVE.

I should probably take better care of myself.  I should probably listen to the signs my body sends me.

However, I don't like to stop doing things.  But, then my body says, "Screw that, woman!" and forces me to stop.

So, now I'm going to go back to bed, with my favorite bankie (yes, I have a bankie, but that's another story for another day) and Abby.  (sigh)


Who wants to come over and read "Go the F*ck To Sleep" to me? 

Postscript: Update at 7:46 PM.  It's a sinus/inner ear infection.  I'm not contagious.  Woot.  I have drugs.  Next time, I shall not wait until I get to this stage before seeing a doctor.