All By Myself

Livin' alone

I think of all the friends I've known

When I dial the telephone

Nobody's home

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself

Anymore

I think I'm quite possibly better off staying single for the rest of my life. Or maybe finding someone who is prison, stationed in another country or who travels for a living.

This past week-end, an old college friend came to visit and to stay with me while she ran the Rock and Roll Half Marathon.  I love having company visit.  I enjoy having people around to talk to and do things with. She came last year and we had fun. 

I noticed this past week-end that I have changed a lot when it comes to the degree and amount of companionship I want and need.

I often joke that I'm single because I'm too picky and because I'm too set in my ways.  Joke being the operative word.

However, now, I'm not so sure.

I love my college friend like a sister.  I enjoyed having her visit. She is more than welcome to stay with me anytime she wants.

But, I also missed having my place all to myself.  Irony at its finest.  I want people around.  But, when they come, I find myself wanting to withdraw into my comfort zones.  I want to get up when I want to get up, go to bed when I want to go to bed.  Watch what I want to watch.  Engage in conversation when I feel like talking.  It has nothing to do with the person with me and everything to do with my own quirkiness.

On Friday afternoon, we each separately spent a fair bit of time on various forms of technology.   During the ride from the airport to a grocery store, she answered emails and checked texts.  Then, at the grocery store, while she was picking out foods she could eat (she's a vegetarian.  I am not.), I texted a friend for some comic relief.  Then, when we got to my home, as soon as we walked in the door, I headed to the computer to check my email and make sure I wasn't on my part time job's project manager's short list for not working this weekend, when volume of work was anticipated to be high.  She logged into her computer as well.

The television was on in the background.  I initiated conversation about some issues I've been having.  It felt good to say the words I've been feeling out loud.  I probed to find out what was going on in her world. 

Then, we decided that dinner was in order.  I had been looking forward to the visit because it would give me a reason to possibly wear some make up, get out of the house and meet people.  She seemed content to stay inside and eat bagged lettuce and cereal.  I strongly encouraged the "let's go out" thing.  I even wore make-up... and nothing happened to my pupil. (It blew the last time I wore make-up and I joked that it was out of shock.)

She tried to engage me in conversation while we got ready for dinner, but I thought she was talking to someone on her cell phone and didn't realize the conversation was for me.  We had some laughs over the fact that I was a horrible friend who wasn't paying any attention to her.

After dinner, she channel-surfed and played on her computer.  I uploaded photos to Facebook and checked for part-time work.  Then, I went to bed at 11, leaving her in the living room on the sofa-bed with the remote.  I don't quite remember when she fell asleep.  Other people watching TV while I try to sleep doesn't bother me.  In fact, it's actually kind of comforting to know there's someone else around.  I used to fall asleep as a child, listening to my parents watching television in the living room.  Our walls were very thin.

I woke up Saturday with a tummy issue but I had promised to deliver her promptly to a fitness expo before the doors opened so that she could get what she needed for her marathon.  I really wanted to be there with her.  Last year, I got some really great freebies.  This year, I just couldn't do it.  I was very happy that a friend of hers also traveled here for the marathon and I left them to ooh and aah over marathon-wear and I came back home, took some tummy meds, poked around on the computer and checked on PT work.

When she returned, I napped with Abby in my bedroom and she napped on the sofa with her laptop and the remote. After I woke up, I played around on the computer some more and she asked if there was anything else I wanted to do.  I knew she had expressed an interest in a couple of thrift stores we passed on the drive to my apartment, so I offered to go there before dinner.  We went to Goodwill near the local mall.  Then, she went to Marshalls and I went to Dollar Tree.  It was still early, however.  Too early to eat dinner.  So, we found another thrift store, one closer to the oceanfront.  After that, we went to a Halloween store.  I bought some face paint. Then, we took a short drive to the oceanfront while I tried to find a new health food store I had received an email about.  Couldn't find the store so we headed to dinner at Moe's.  After dinner, we stopped at two discount stores.

I feel the need to point out that I hate shopping.  I have never been one who 100% enjoys browsing, window shopping, etc.  I am a "get in and get out" kind of shopper. Growing up with a hoarder mother who had a need to buy something, anything every time we walked inside a store has warped my image of shopping.  There was a period in my life were I was a social shopper.  I also had the $30,000+ credit card debt to show for it. Been there, done that.  It took me 5 long credit-card less years to get over that.  So, now, I'm more reserved with my spending.  If I need groceries, I go to a grocery store.  If I need toiletries, I go to a drug store.  If I need cleaning supplies, I go to a dollar store.  I try to avoid places that will entice me to stock up on things I don't need.  Yes, yes -- occasionally, I will splurge.  Usually, it's a careful splurge.  I have a weakness for Party City where I can get trinkets and toys... for other people.  I guess buying things for other people helps me feel better about spending money.  I have a hard time spending money on myself just to spend money on myself.  This dislike of shopping should put me in the running for a man by itself.  Don't most men complain about their significant others' spending habits?   Hmmmm....  maybe I need to put that in my personal ad. :)

So, that said, I was a little tired of shopping and was snappish with my friend.  I wanted to be the good friend and take her wherever she wanted to go.  However, I was done with it.  If I had been a man and it had been a mall, you would have found me sitting on a bench someplace with glazed-over eyes, holding all of the bags.

We returned home and watched the movie Megamind on HBO.  Then, I went to bed and she stayed up with her laptop and remote.

On Sunday, I dropped her off at the marathon at 5:45 a.m., picked up some breakfast, played on the computer, slept for a couple of hours, took a shower, watched the Food Network, cleaned out my purse, did a load of laundry, and did a load of dishes. Then, I met my friend at Neptune Park at the oceanfront.

We walked in the sand, got our feet wet and dirty.  Felt the sunshine.  Felt the breeze.  Then, we took a dolphin watching cruise and had a late lunch at Waterman's Surfside Grille, one of my favorite restaurants.  I had alcohol.  We people watched.  It was a good day.  I love anything that has to do with the beach, water and being outside. On Sunday night, I dropped her off at the oceanfront for a concert while I went home and tried to shake off a stupor created by taking 2 drammamine tablets within an hour of drinking a potent alcoholic drink.

Today (Monday), she left for home.  I did some chores around the house and tried to psyche myself up for returning to work on Tuesday.  I could really use another day off.

What I learned about myself from this weekend is that I like being with people and having people around, but I also like to have my freedom and space.  I was happy as a clam as long as we had something to do -- whether it be go out to dinner or sightsee or watch a movie, and as long as there was some "down time" before and after whatever we did.  

I was also quite happy to give her freedom and space to do what she wanted to do.  As the "hostess", I worried that I wasn't spending enough time with her or offering to be more involved.  I kept telling her that I had no problem with her spending time with her friend who was also here.  I had no hidden agenda.  I was happy that there was someone who could do things with her that she enjoyed so that it took the pressure off of me to do those things.

I've mentioned on Facebook that I have a friend who reads my blog who has mentioned to me that some of the things I write about myself, my life, my likes/dislikes may be a little off-putting to a potential mate.  

I've also told this friend that I'm not writing this blog to find a man.  I'm writing it because I like to write... and it's very therapeutic for me to write about what I know and experience.  The only men who have access to this blog are my Facebook friends and I highly doubt that any of this is a surprise to any of them, if they are even reading this.  Most of them know me and should not be surprised by anything I've written.  Not that I really care.  I am who I am.  Love me or don't. :)

However, if there are random men reading this blog some place in the universe looking for a "cheat sheet" about me, and if there was one blog out of all of the others that you should read if you want to know what truly will make for a successful relationship, I guess this would be the one.

• Don't take me shopping unless I mention it.
• Don't be offended if I go off and do my own thing.
• Please be encouraged to go off and do your own thing.
• I like watching movies and making snarky comments while watching them.
• I do not want to compete with technology.  So, if we're on a date or hanging out together, turn off the cell phone.  I'll do the same.
• Don't criticize my driving or parking.
• If I say, "I don't care" when asked if I want to do something, there is no hidden agenda.  I really don't have a preference either way.  If I did, I'd tell you.
• I like getting dressed up and going out.  Ask me to do things outside the house on occasion. 
• I also like anything to do with the water or beach.  Feel free to invite me to go to the beach.
• I don't always enjoy "eating" related activities since I'm trying to lose weight.  Think of creative things that don't involve eating.
• I also like doing absolutely nothing. N O T H I N G.  Alone.  Together.
• If I offer to pay for a date or outing, I'm not doing it to be polite.  Let me pay on occasion.  Otherwise, I feel like a free-loader.
• I don't mind if you stay up and watch TV after I go to bed.  Just keep the volume low enough that the neighbors don't complain.
• I like it cold.  I will fight you over the thermostat until I win.  So, if you are someone who gets cold easily, buy a Snuggie. 
• I don't like to drive.  Please offer to do the driving.

Hmmm.... anyone still reading?