Secret Admirer

How did you know 'cause I never told
But you found out I've got a crush on you
The words you read, my heart's been displayed
You found out I've got a crush on you

I watched a movie on the Hallmark Channel today about a guy who spies a beautiful blonde in the park and decides she's his soul mate, based solely on her blonde hair and tight white dress.  He overhears her give her email address to someone and decides he's going to get to know her via e-mail and be her secret admirer.  However, he gets the email address wrong and ends up writing the blonde woman's mousy single mother co-worker.  The two write each other, baring their souls and falling in love.  The guy thinks he's getting to know the blonde and doesn't understand why they don't click in person when they finally meet the way they clicked in email.  He also meets the mousy co-worker and is a little out of sorts with how well he gets along with her and how much they seem to have in common.  It's a romantic comedy and I won't spoil the ending, but I'm sure you can probably guess for yourself how it might end.

I've never had a secret admirer.  I'm not entirely sure how I'd react if I did have one.  I don't really like awkward surprises.  I like surprises -- don't get me wrong -- however, I'm definitely not a "flash mob proposal" kind of girl.  I'm more of a Flash email proposal kind of girl.  So, to receive a Secret Admirer type thingy --- well, it could open the door for a mess of uncomfortable sleuthing I'm not sure I want to delve into.

I think back to high school when we would have these carnation sales on Valentine's Day where you could buy a carnation for a dollar or two and have it delivered on Valentine's Day to a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend or, if you were daring, you could send a Secret Admirer note and flower.  I never sent them to anyone I had a romantic interest in and I never received any either from anyone who had a romantic interest in me.

The whole thing smelled of awkwardness, to be honest.  Yes, it also had a hint of eau d' Romance, but mostly, I thought of awkwardness.

Let's say you have a crush on Bill.  Your friend Joe has a crush on you.  Joe sends you a Secret Admirer flower.  You hope it's from Bill, so you muster up the courage to ask Bill if he sent it (or, if it's truly high school, you probably get one of your friends to ask Bill.)   This alerts Bill that you might have an interest in him since you thought the flower was from him.  At this point, Bill is flattered and asks you out.  Or, (which would most likely be my case), Bill politely tells you (or your friends) that he doesn't see you that way and likes you as a friend.  You have to deal with the awkwardness of knowing that Bill knows that you like him.  Then, there's poor Joe.  Joe has been waiting patiently for you to mention the flower.  He has been hopeful for a John Hughes happy ending where you tell him that he looks good wearing your future.  (ooops, SOME KIND OF WONDERFUL reference.  Rent the movie to see what I mean.)  However, most likely, you'll tell Joe that someone sent you a flower and you thought it might be from Bill, whom you think is dreamy.  Joe's heart will be crushed.  He will never tell you he sent the flower.  You'll go to your grave wondering who sent you the flower and Joe will marry someone who likes him for him and he'll tell her some day about the time he sent some girl a flower.  She'll find it endearing and will thank her lucky stars that you never gave Joe a chance.  You'll run into Joe at a high school reunion and realize you should have treated him better.  Aaaaah.... 

I was someone's Secret Admirer in college. 

It started innocently enough.  I worked in the college mailroom so I had access to everyone's mailboxes.  I got to see pretty much everyone on campus at some point.  There was this somewhat shy little blonde boy who caught my eye.  I would take small slips of notebook paper and write in pink ink (using a hot pink Le Pen felt tip pen) little notes like "Have a nice day!"; "You have a nice smile."; "Thinking of you." etc and slip them, unsigned into his mailbox.  I imagined that I made his day when he opened his mailbox.  Sometimes, I'd try to hang out by the mailboxes before dinner, when most people checked mail, to see if I could see his reaction.  I never quite timed it right.   I used to carry that pen with me everywhere in hopes that some day, he'd see me writing with it and it would click in his head.  Our eyes would meet and violins would start playing.  We'd fall in love and have a house full of little blonde haired blue eyed babies.

As fate would have it, we ended up in a class together.  I sat two rows in front of him and would blatantly use the pink pen in class to take notes.  It was as daring as I could get, short of telling him outright that I was his Secret Admirer.  If he ever figured it out, he never said anything.   Maybe some day, I'll run into him at a reunion and will break the silence and maybe we'll laugh about it.  Or maybe it will be a story I just blog about and move on.

I think the concept of a Secret Admirer is very romantic and has great potential.  I would love to receive personalized notes and flowers from someone who was truly interested in me.  However, I fear the fantasy versus reality aspect.  I like someone.  It's no secret to most of my friends that I like someone.  I'm pretty oblivious to signs that people like me.  I can't tell when a guy is flirting with me as a friend or when a guy is flirting with me as a man.  So, I can see me making a fool of myself thinking that the guy I like is my Secret Admirer only to find out that it's someone else.   Awkward.  Especially if the guy I like doesn't like me and if the person who liked me wasn't someone I liked  "that way".

A female friend sent me flowers about 15 years ago to make me smile and she signed the card "Someone Who Loves You."  My heart immediately went the romantic route and I sent an email to someone I was interested in asking him if he had sent me something.  Before I could get an answer, my female friend emailed me asking me if I had gotten a surprise.  I got an email from the guy telling me he didn't send me anything and asked if there was something he should have sent me.  I told him to nevermind and then told my female friend about the almost awkward moment.  It was at that point I realized I'm probably not a good candidate for the whole Secret Admirer thing.

Just give me a straight up Valentine's Day card with your name in it.  Or a post it note.  Or an email.  

I'm not picky.
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