He's Got That Super Bass

He a muthaf*ckin trip, trip, sailor of the ship, ship
When he make it drip, drip kiss him on the lip, lip
That's the kind of dude I was lookin' for
And yes you'll get slapped if you're lookin' ho

I said, excuse me you're a hell of a guy
I mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican fly
I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie
You're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh
....
Boy you got my heartbeat runnin' away
Beating like a drum and it's coming your way
Can't you hear that boom, badoom, boom
Boom, badoom, boom bass?

Blog post # 200.  Can I get a woot?

I had an interesting discussion with someone a few weeks ago about male-female attraction.  It started with me being in a bad mood and making the self-deprecating comment that men just aren't attracted to "girls like me".  Then, I corrected myself and said, "Guys I want to be attracted to me aren't attracted to girls like me."  I was in a bad mood. I was meaning "girls who aren't a size 0." I'm over that now. I know I'm fierce. I can probably, if I really put my mind to it, attract the right sort of guy.  Still, it was a good conversation starter.

This led to a fairly lengthy discussion about what is and isn't attractive to males and females.

There's a quote:

"Men fall in love with their eyes, women with their ears."
~ Rita Mae Brown  

Just like scent, attraction is a personal thing.  To be honest, all of the men in my life whom I've been attracted to -- seriously attracted to -- didn't have extraordinary looks.  A few were what most women would call attractive by regular standards.  But...  for me... it's the other stuff.  The sense of humor, the intelligence, the soul.  The overall person.  I've met some actor-handsome men in my life who did absolutely nothing for me because once they opened their mouths, I fell out of crush mode.  As I've gotten to know men better, their attractiveness increases in direct proportion to their ability to make me laugh, think, and feel good.  I want to walk away from them feeling like I do when I leave the gym. If they can do that, then they are way ahead of the pack.

I even have little tests that I do with men when I meet them to see if they can match me in the sense of humor, brains and personality areas.  When we're both in our 90s, bald and toothless, it's not going to matter what we looked like when we met.  It's going to matter that we can keep each other entertained.  I always mentally apply what I call the "bomb shelter" exercise.  

When I meet a man, I try to envision what it would be like to be trapped in a bomb shelter with him for an indefinite amount of time. (Like BLAST FROM THE PAST.)  Will we have enough to talk about?  Will we struggle to  make conversation?  Can we take each others' minds off of the fact that we're stuck indefinitely in a bomb shelter?  Or will we be sizing each other up as dinner for when the canned foods and MREs run out? (In this case, I'm screwed because as we all know, fat equals flavor... and I'd probably be a tasty dish.)

I think I've mentioned on here before that I had a crush on this doctor who  comes to work and does presentations.  At first, it was totally superficial.  He is an attractive man.  However, as I got to know him over the course of several months, emails and visits, I started to lose that attraction.  He seemed carefully crafted - like he had created this super charming persona.  He said all of the same jokes.  He knew the right time to drop in a reference to his son.  He would mention his prowess (Donny, are you reading?  I said prowess!) on the golf course, in tai chi...  then to make himself more human, he'd toss in that he had a weakness for peanut butter cup blizzards.  I was a smitten kitten for all of ... thirty minutes... which is about how much actual personal interaction I had with this guy over the course of several months.  I was embarrassed that I had entertained thoughts of happily ever after with some guy who never really asked about me and didn't seem interested in me outside of "how many new clients can you help me get?"  Our interactions were friendly but never beyond that.  In order to truly "fall" for the guy, I'd have to get to know him.  That barrier was never really crossed.  Now, he's just some guy who comes to work every now and then.

Men, and I'm speaking generally here... and I'm not a fan of generalizations, however tend to make a decision about women based on appearance.  I had a male co-worker once who had himself absolutely convinced that he was in love (he actually said the words "I am in love with .............") with this lady who was a salesperson and who would come into our motel to try to sell things or try to convince the manager to buy things. The only interaction he had with her was based on her products and lasted less than 15 minutes each time she came.  She came every other month.  Usually, when she came, she would talk to us as a group.  She and he were rarely alone.  I probably knew more about her than he did because I was the one who would walk her around on property and make small talk with her while she reviewed our cleaning supplies, pool supplies, etc.  I knew her boyfriend's name, where she grew up, that she had a small child, etc.  I mentioned my male co-worker to her to see what her response was and she was like "Who? Oh, he's nice." No sparkle of interest. 

As soon as she'd leave, he'd corner me and want to know what I found out about her.  I realize he was building a fantasy in his head about her based on the information I was giving him.  I was doing the legwork for his masturbation sessions.  Even telling him about the boyfriend didn't stop him from concocting some major fantasy in his head.  One day, I asked him why he was in love with her.  He said that she was gorgeous.  That was the first thing he said.  Not that she was nice, funny, smart, caring.  She was gorgeous.  I looked at him and asked him if he was serious.  He said that he was.  I asked what about the boyfriend.  He said he didn't count until they were married. I remember pushing at him, because I made it my mission to cure men of believing they are in love with women based on looks alone, for more.  He hardly remembered the details I had given him about her.  For him, it was all about the looks.  He told me, "Our babies would be cute."  Seriously?   I never did get through to him and the sales rep was eventually replaced by a man, whom I'd take great pleasure in oohing and aaahing over in front of my co-worker just to annoy him.  I'd say, "Oh, I think I'm in loooooove with Ryan...."  He would roll his eyes.  

My co-worker eventually met a woman who looked nothing like the sales rep and married her. They wrote their own vows.  His had nothing about looks in them.  He loved her for her sense of spirit, her friendship, her loving personality...  I know he wasn't really in love with the sales rep and it had been a crush, but it taught me a lot about how much importance guys place on appearance.  I've met a few other men in my life who have professed strong feelings for total strangers based on appearances so I know it wasn't a fluke that my friend felt the way he did.  It just amazes me that they don't want to get to know the whole woman first.  I can't even imagine looking at a hot guy and convincing myself that I had feelings for him without getting to know him better. I'd have to talk to him. Have to.  

But, that's just me.  I'm sure that if I was knock-down drop-dead gorgeous, I'd be supporting the idea that men can fall in love with women they don't know based on looks.

Ha!  Yeah.  No.  I'd still want the "You make me laugh.  You make me think.  You had me at hello."  (oops, channeling Jerry Maguire.)  Now, I still want the guy to think my green eyes are rocking, my ass is fine and that my boobs (which, sadly, are now a whole cup size smaller) are a motorboating fantasy.  But, I don't want those to be the first things a man lists as the reasons why he loves me.  LOVES me. 

This blog was inspired by reading some posts on another website where some guy was asking for advice on how to ask out this "super hot" (thus why I quoted Super Bass as my song) girl in his chemistry class that he was "in love" with.  The females gave him reprimands that she's more than her looks and suggested that he get to know her first.  The males gave him advice about getting her drunk and "hitting it".  I thought that despite the age differences and generation gap, some things never change.

A good friend recently commented to me that I was sexy.  (It was another woman.  A straight woman.)  I just laughed it off.  She said, "No, seriously.  Your smile.  Your eyes.  Your sense of humor. Your self confidence. If I were a guy, I'd be all over you like white on rice." 

I asked her to move to California and marry me.