The Lazy Song

Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just wanna lay in my bed
Don't feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone
'Cause today I swear I'm not doing anything
Nothing at all, nothing at all

I have been a bum the entire weekend and I liked it.

I was feeling a little guilty on Friday afternoon about the fact that I had no real plans for the weekend. I felt this pressure -- like I should have plans, something.   But, other than getting Abby's nails trimmed, I had nothing on the agenda.  I didn't make a to-do list.  I didn't make any plans with people.  I didn't pencil or ink anything onto my calendar.  I kept feeling like I should do something.  Like - I have to be productive. Like - I have to go to work on Monday and rattle off a list of things I did during the weekend.  I always ask one of my friends at work every Friday, "Got any fun plans for the weekend?"  I guess that since I put the pressure on him to go do something fun, I have to do the same with myself.

But, as I left work on Friday and headed towards the gym, I realized I was absolutely bone tired.  Exhausted.  I was cranky, crampy, sad and tired.  I wanted my warm bed, a loving snuggle with Abby and some sleep.  I didn't want to work out.  I didn't want to cook dinner.  I didn't want to do the long list of things I usually do on Friday.  And, you know what?  I didn't go to the gym.  I stopped at WaWa and got some soup. Then, I did come home, put on my nightgown and fuzzy slippers.  I did scoop up my little fur baby and love on her for a few moments.  Then, I ate the soup, sent an email to a friend and went to bed.  I was asleep by 7:00 and slept straight through until 3 or 4 a.m.  I got up, went to the bathroom, and then crawled right back into bed.  Had weird dreams.

I was up early on Saturday.  Poked around on the computer, watched some television, wrote a blog, took a shower, got dressed and took Abby for her pawdicure.  We were back home by 12:30.   I stared at my gym bag, trying to talk myself into going to the gym.  However, I decided I wanted to do nothing again on Saturday.  So, I put my nightgown back on and curled up on the sofa with the remote control.  I watched movies and caught up on all of the crime shows I DVR'd for the past three weeks.  I came to a realization that my interest in crime shows has waned.  I fast-forwarded through most of them.  I used to really love Law and Order SVU, Criminal Minds and CSI (Las Vegas).  Now, not so much.  Guess I am just not in a serial killer, rapist and murderer mood anymore.  Good thing.  Frees up space on my DVR.  I've been tinkering with the idea of cancelling cable altogether.  I don't watch it much anymore and I think I can probably watch most of the shows I do like on the internet much cheaper than what I pay for cable.  It's a thought.  Not one I've completely hatched... because I do like watching infomercials and weird alien shows in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. I've been thinking about placing personal ads looking for men on the west coast because there's a good chance they'll still be awake at 1:00 in the morning my time when I can't sleep.  Maybe I can get a little midnight sex chat going or something.  Again, another thought I'm just working on.  Not completely hatched either.

I digress.  I fell asleep around midnight last night (Saturday) and slept in until 8:00ish this morning.   Had a weird dream about a friend sending me a text about a possible love connection and another about binding a ton of training manuals at work with a friend. I didn't immediately get out of bed.  I love waking up on Sunday morning and just lying in bed for a little bit. (This is where a boyfriend would come in handy.) Sometimes, I turn on the TV and lie there.  Sometimes, I fall back asleep.  Today, I did neither.  I allowed myself a daydream of hopping on a bus to Atlantic City and winning the progressive slots and quitting my job.  When I realized that probably wouldn't happen anytime soon, I changed the day dream to that of being granted three wishes by a genie, with one of the wishes being that I could skip the whole gym and diet thing and go straight to size 12 so that I didn't feel this compulsion to justify why I don't feel like going to the gym every day.

I realized that I'm trying to compete with a male friend who is going every day.  He's on a special 12 week program to get hotter-looking for a vacation he is taking in the spring.  I do not have such a looming deadline or goal.  Yet, because he goes every day, I feel like I should be going every day.  It's the competitive streak in me.  I realized I was putting unnecessary stress on myself, however.  I have other things I need and want to do.  Going to the gym every night is not in my plans every week.  I initially set out to go 3 times a week.  Then, I got sick and then told myself that in order to get "caught up", I'd need to go every night.  But, then, I get behind on other things and feel stressed about "going every night".  I decided this morning that my personal goal is to shoot for 30 minutes of exercise each night but it doesn't have to be in the actual gym.  My gym goal is every other day, to give my muscles and body some recuperation time.  Once I allowed myself the freedom (in my head) to go to the gym when I want to -- not with the mindset of I "have" to, I felt a lot better.

I got out of bed, then made some breakfast, poked around on the computer for a bit and then watched the Food Network.  Around 1, I got dressed and headed out into the world.  I went to Wal-Mart.  Big mistake.  VERY VERY crowded.   Some lady cut in front of me in the checkout line and when I told her I was next, she ignored me and put her food on the conveyor belt.  She made a comment to her companion that I was a bitch.  If I hadn't feared getting cut in the parking lot, I would have done or said something.  I ended up going to another lane and getting checked out before her.  I smiled at her as I left the store and she was still waiting on her food to be rung up.  Karma.  I am not going back to that Wal-Mart again.  Luckily, there are 3 more within 15 minutes of my apartment.  If food wasn't cheaper there, I'd go elsewhere.  However, I can save about 20% by going there versus my regular grocery store, even with double coupons.  So, I suck it up once every two weeks.

I came home and did some stuff around the apartment -- laundry, dishes...  Cooked some chicken for the upcoming week's lunches.  Then, I did something I haven't done in a long long time.

I played "makeover".  I got out my rarely used cosmetics and played around with eye shadows, lipsticks, eye liner and mascara.  Experimented with new looks.  Dramatic.  Smoky.  Sexy.  Demure.  Pouty lips.  Wet lips.  Dark dramatic make up.  Subtle make up.  What the hell, right?  I'm a girl.  I do such things on occasion. 

I've been wearing it to work for about a week now but no one has noticed.  I heard that's a good thing -- that make up should not be noticeable.  But, the whole point of the make up was to make people (and by people, I mean men) notice me.  I even wore a black lace push up bra one day this week and the only people who seemed to notice were other women.  I got to show it to one in the bathroom in exchange for a glimpse of her hot pink bra.  It was very Saturday night porn.  The only thing missing was a pizza delivery guy and bow chicka chicka music.  I'm kidding.  She read on my Facebook status that I was wearing a sexy bra.  She said, "Me, too -- look!" and showed me her strap.  So, I then showed her my strap.  We giggled. I even wore a shirt with a plunging neckline.  Next time, I'm going to go for a see through lace top.  (Again, I'm kidding.)

It's now 7:00 on Sunday night.  This is the time I normally take a shower, put away my laundry and settle in for some television before falling asleep and wishing the weekend was longer.  I am going to take the shower.  However, I think the laundry can wait.  I'll put it away tomorrow night.  Or not at all.  I'm feeling rebellious.

I'm still going to settle in and watch some television.  And wish the weekend was longer.

I took a time out this weekend.  I think we all need a time out every now and then.