My Infinite Playlist

Listen can you hear me
Am I coming in on your frequency
I got a story
Subject of the plot, you and me
And when you're sleeping, and when you're waking
And when you're feeling good
I'll be the thing that, you want to sing back
Stuck in your head like I knew you would

I wanna be your favorite song
You can turn it up, play me all night long
I wanna be your favorite song
La la la la la

I like going to the gym.  I know, wow, right?  I have the hardest time talking myself into going.  By the end of the day at work, I have to give myself a serious pep talk to go.  I can usually think of at least 5 other things I'd rather do and at least 2 of them involve crawling into bed. 

But, fierceness doesn't happen without some effort.  And I'm not in a position to indulge in one of the two things that require a bed due to my current relationship status. (I'll let you think about that one for a moment.)

I'm no stranger to the gym membership.  I was 10 years old the first time I went to a gym -- or what my small town of Dunbar, PA (population 1100) called a gym.  Someone put some exercise mats and weights in a room above the fire station and let people do exercises there.  I remember going a couple of times at my dad's urging to "get out of the house and get the stink off of [my] butt".   I felt very Olivia Newton John a la "Let's Get Physical" and wore a sweatband around my forehead and everything.  Good times.    

In college, my roommate (the one who tried to get me to indulge in promiscuity) and I would brave the "weight room" after our classes to get some exercise.  I would go to work out and she would go to stare at the football players. Then, later, I had a membership to both the YMCA and the local rec center when I stayed in Marietta after college.  I even took swimming lessons to try to learn how to swim.  (Yeah, that didn't last long though because I couldn't get over the fear of putting my face under the water.)  

When I moved to Columbus, I had a membership at a women's only gym that had a few old machines and dirty dressing rooms.  Then, I joined one of those fancy meat markety types that are open 24 hours a day.  I would go at 9:00 at night and be the only woman in the gym.  It would be me and all of the guys working out before they went club hopping.  Then, the place closed down and I ended up at another woman's gym, one with a pool.  I discovered a love for water exercise.  I rarely ventured out of the 3 foot zone and never got my head wet, but I could do exercises like it was no one's business.  Me and all of the grannies in saggy bathing suits.  That lasted until I moved to Virginia.

Now, I'm back at the gym again.  I really do enjoy it.  At first, I was a little hesitant.  I haven't touched a machine in years and was a little worried about being the biggest person there.  I didn't want to get all sweaty in front of size zero babes and lunky hero types.  Luckily, the people in my gym are all shapes and sizes and no one even looks at me when I'm there.  Ok, true, this is probably contradictory to my desire to stop being invisible to people (and by people, I mean men) but I'm happy to be invisible at the gym.  I don't want people staring at me and wondering if I'm going to last.

However, it was like riding a bike.... an exercise bike. I quickly re-acclimated to the machines and their purposes.  I go in, do my thing, listen to my music while I'm there and go home.  I leave in a great mood.  There's a bounce in my step.  Energy in my blood.  I feel more attractive and more alive.  I like the way my butt looks in my spandex blend exercise pants and when I'm on the elliptical, listening to my music, I sometimes shake my booty.  Wiggle it.  Just a little bit.  I sometimes pretend that there's someone behind me on one of the treadmills who enjoys what he sees.  It's a fantasy.  But, it's my fantasy.  Exercise is a bit of an aphrodisiac for me.  I do feel more... you know.... twitchy after a good workout.  Sometimes.  Depends on my mood and the music I was listening to.

This brings me to the real subject of my blog.  Music.

I downloaded all of the songs on my computer's hard drive, from all of the various "mixed tapes" I've made over the past few years, onto an MP3 player.  I take that MP3 player with me to the gym.   At first, I kind of enjoyed the randomness of all of the music -- slow songs, fast songs, love songs, hate songs... but then realized I was having a hard time keeping stride and rhythm when "HELLO" by Lionel Richie would suddenly come on after a good solid heart pumping few minutes of "Staying Alive" by the Bee Gees.  I cleaned out my MP3 player last weekend and now only have songs that motivate me while I'm working out.

What are some of the songs on this list?  I didn't think you'd ever ask.

So Alive - Love and Rockets

My head is full of magic, baby, 
And I can't share this with you. 
The feel I'm on top again, baby, 
That's got everything to do with you.

Jump Around - House of Pain 

Feel it, funk it, amps it are junkin'
And I got more rhymes than there's cops that are dunkin'
Donuts shop, sure 'nuff I got props from the kids on the Hill
Plus my mom and my pops
I came to get down, I came to get down
So get out your seats and jump around

Good Vibrations - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

My body is healthy
My rhymes make me wealthy
And the Funky Bunch helps me
To bring you a show with no intoxication
Come on, feel the vibration

Yeah, can you feel it, baby?
I can too

Finally - Ce Ce Peniston

Finally it has happened to me right in front of my face
My feelings can't describe it
Finally it has happened to me right in front of my face and 
I just can not hide it.

None of Your Business - Salt N Pepa

If I wanna take a guy home with me tonight
It's none of your business
And she wanna be a freak and sell it on the weekend
It's none of your business
Now you shouldn't even get into who I'm givin' skins to
It's none of your business
So don't try to change my mind, I'll tell you one more time
It's none of your business

I Get Excited - Rick Springfield

No, baby you don't look that nervous when you bite your lip
You keep 'em open when we kiss, you're a hypocrite
You got my body dancin' tango in three-four time
This angel's gonna spread her wings tonight

Poker Face - Lady Gaga

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me (I love it)
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun, fun

Baby Got Back - Sir Mixalot

'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on

Geek In The Pink - Jason Mraz

I don't care what you might think about me
You can vibe without me if you want
I could be the one to take you home
Baby we could rock the night alone
If we never get down it wouldn't be a let down
But sugar don't forget what you already know
I could be the one to turn you out
We could be the talk across the town
Don't judge it by the color, confuse it for another
You might regret what you let slip away

Upside Down - Jack Johnson

Who's to say what's impossible?
Well they forgot this world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything

Bubble Toes - Jack Johnson

I remember when you and me mmm how we used to be just good friends
Wouldn't give me none
But all I wanted was some
She's got a whole lot of reasons
She cant think of a single one
That can justify leaving
and he got none but he thinks he got so many problems
Man he got, too much time to waste

I Won't Give Up - Jason Mraz

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

There are many more but those are some of the songs that I heard tonight. 

They give me motivation, inspiration and keep my booty shaking while I'm achieving fierceness.

I have to admit I had a bit of a bad week.  I've been in an off and on funky mood this past week.  Blame hormones.  Blame work.  Blame it on the rain.  Blame the bout with bronchitis.  I was in this constant state of feeling like I needed a hug and a warm blanket.  I was making excuses left and right for not wanting to keep on with this fierceness thing.  I made some poor food choices.  I was feeling down on myself.  I wanted to say the hell with it all and just go buy a muumuu and call it a day.  The eye opener was stepping on the scale and seeing that I gained 5 lbs.  Now, I seriously considered not weighing in.  I was feeling heavier, bloatier.  But, I couldn't be one of those people who hide and avoid the bad news.  I needed the reality check.  Now, do I think I really gained 5 lbs of actual weight? No, but it depressed me anyway.

I didn't go to the gym last night.  I stopped at Farm Fresh and as an act of self-punishment bought a bag of salad and made myself eat it dry for dinner.  The bad thing about this is that I have no desire to eat salad for awhile.  Luckily, there are other veggies and fruits.  I then took a shower, cried a little, cursed myself a little and went to bed.  I was asleep by 9:00.

Then, this morning, I woke up and decided I could keep on whining and making excuses or I could put on my big girl panties and deal with it.  I chose the panties option.  They are pink with hearts. 

Tonight, this lady came up to me at the gym and told me she had been watching me for the past few weeks and that she noticed some changes in me and that she was so proud of me.  She's an older lady - a motherly type.  That made me smile.  I thanked her and she said, "Keep it up girl!"  I smiled all the way to the locker room.

I think I made the right choice with the panties option.