Keep Your Head Up

But you got to keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh
Got to keep your head up oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh,
I know it’s hard,
Know it’s hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you got to keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.

I posted recently about the power of confidence and how when I'm perkier and more confident, others seem to pick up on it and are drawn to me.  It's an amazing thing.  

This past week, I had two new hires.  Nice girls.  It was hard to focus with it being a holiday week and everyone seemed to be in holiday mode, wanting to relax a little.  I did my best to keep them focused but had to insert my own brand of personalization in the form of stories from life.  

One of the girls told me that she had been there for awhile and had heard about me from previous new hires and had been observing me and she told me that she thought I was one of the most genuine and most generous people she had ever seen and met.  She said she had actually been looking forward to training so that she could be with me.  

After being with me for a few days, she told me that she loved that I was so patient, kind and nice.  She said she noticed that a lot of people felt the need to wave at me or smile at me as they passed by my room.  Several stopped to chat, make a joke, tease me, or talk to me.  I made the comment that they were just nice people, too.  She said that she didn't doubt it but that she also had a feeling that it had a lot to do with me.  A fellow co-worker would stop by on breaks to say hi and hang out for a few moments and she said that he could go see anyone else in the building but chose to see me because I probably made him feel good, too.  I brushed it off, saying that I was just closer to his desk, or that he was bored, or whatever else I could think of. 

I'm not used to those kinds of compliments and having people examining me for once.  I'm usually the one doing the examining.  Both of the new hires kept asking me why I don't have a "boo" in my life and I just kept saying that it just hasn't been meant to be and that I'm sure that the right guy is out there for me.  I shared with them that I just felt that my "soul mate" was out there some place -- the person who connects with me mentally, emotionally, physically and sense of humor-lly.   I told them I was picky and that I wasn't going to settle.  They made some suggestions of their own based on observations but I told them I wasn't going to do any chasing.  Not any more.  I've done all of the chasing in all of my relationships and I'm not doing it any more.  I'm worth the risk and if someone is interested in me, then they can take the risk.  Take the chance.

They asked me how I stay so positive and upbeat.  I told them that I'm not always this way.  I'm human.  I'm prone to the same hormonal fluctuations as any woman. (See me the third week of the month and I'm an emotional mess inside.  An emotional mess that craves salty foods and sex.  Horny, hungry and weepy - oh my!)  I assured them I have insecurities about my weight.  I worry about paying bills.  I sometimes get confused by the way people act with me and around me.  I have drama in my life.  

I told them that one of the big things I do -- and this is a fairly recent thing -- is that every night before I go to bed, I write a list of "affirmations" (for lack of a better word) in a journal I bought.  I got a hard-backed (you know I love my hard-backed spiral notebooks) sketch pad (I also love unlined paper) from Barnes and Noble and a really good fine-tip Sharpie in a hot pink color.  Every night, I open to a clean white page and write down a person, place or thing I want to focus on, to send energy to.  I then write a list of action words and phrases beneath each heading.  Words and phrases that express past, present and future goals and interactions with these items.  Positive verbs.  Nothing negative.  I just let whatever comes to mind free flow from my hands to the paper.   Then, I close my eyes and focus on sending as much positive energy to those words as possible.

I re-read my list, not editing anything, and then focus on maintaining as much of a positive vibe as I can.

Every morning, before I go into work, I sit in my car and listen to an upbeat song (usually the Sunshine Song by Jason Mraz or Brighter Than The Sun by Colbie Caillat) and focus on the positive words again in my head. [Listen to the songs.  I dare you not to find yourself singing along.]

I've also set a goal to do or say at least one nice thing each day.  I believe that if you send positive energy out, it comes back to you, multiplied.  So, I say good morning to everyone I see.  I smile.  I joke.  I flirt.  I tell people how great they are (genuinely.  I don't believe in false compliments.)  I buy breakfast.  I offer up candy.  I hope that each little ray of light that I can infuse in someone's day will encourage them to light up someone else's life, hopefully mine too.  

Now, I totally admit it's not an easy feat.  There are some people, whom I call "blockers", who put up walls and/or are resistant to the positivity.  They want to complain.  They want to grump.  They want to frown.  They shut me out and shoot me down.  I do my best to try to stay away from those people.  Toxic, toxic, toxic.  There's a small part of me that wants to try harder with those people, but I believe they have to want to let the positivity in and be open to being happy.  Some people like to wallow.  I've done my fair share of wallowing.  I wallowed last night.  I had a bit of a disappointment yesterday that I held inside all day.  I bet that if you asked anyone who saw me yesterday, not one would even tell you that I seemed out of sorts.  However, as soon as I got home, I wallowed like a pig in mud.  Then, I shook it off, wrote my list of positive words and went to bed.

A new year is quickly approaching.  As I usually do, I get reflective this time of year.  I'll post my official end of the year blog next weekend, but I will give a sneak peak now into my goals and hopes for the upcoming year.

I am determined to make this upcoming year the year that changes everything for me.  I am not going to stand on the sidelines any more and let life pass me by.  I've lost my "virginity" with playing pool and doing karaoke this year.  I checked something off of my bucket list.  I've been more open and I've torn down the walls that usually surround me.  A co-worker always comments on how much personal stuff I tell the new hires and I didn't always use to be that way.  I used to be very private.  Very reserved.  However, the human aspect is one that appeals to people.  Once someone sees me as a "real" person, they relate more, they invest more.  They are interested and feel like they have a relationship with me -- not some robotic teacher who is reciting from a manual.  However, I realized this year that walls that are meant to protect me also keep out people and keep out things that make me happy.

For those of you who read my wallow (now deleted) blog, forgive me for faltering from my path.  I am allowed the occasional weakness, 'kay?  =)

I shall end this Christmas Eve blog with some of the lyrics from the Sunshine Song.   Even if you do not like Jason Mraz, read the words.  Absorb the meaning.  

You should look as good as your outlook.
Would you mind if I took some time, to soak up your light, your beautiful light?
You’ve got a paradise inside.
I get hungry for love and thirsty for life,
Much too full of the pain, ‘cause when I look to the sky to help me,
It most always looks like rain.

...

You’re undeniably warm, cerulean, you’re perfect in design.
I hope you’ll hang around,
so the sun it can shine on,
And the clouds they can roll away,
And the sky can become our possibility.
There’s a light in everybody, send out your ray of sunshine.

Merry Christmas!  Christmas is about love, new beginnings, family, joy and happiness.  Share it with everyone you see.

And on a selfish note, my letter to Santa remains partially unanswered.  =)  If you see the jolly Elf, remind him how good I've been this year.