If I Were a Rich Girl

All the riches, baby, won't mean anything
All the riches, baby, won't bring what your love can bring
All the riches, baby, won't mean anything
Don't need no other baby, your lovin' is better than gold, and I know

If I was rich girl, na na, na na, na na, na na na na, na na, na na na
See, I'd have all the money in the world if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
'Cause I'd have all the money in the world if I was a wealthy girl

I read an article the other day about a guy who allegedly told a woman how to trick the megabucks slot machine in Vegas to win big.  They allegedly had an agreement on a post it note to split the money. She won.  He sued. The post it note stood up in court and the woman has to split the jackpot with him.

I always talk about what I'll do when (notice I never say "if") I win the lottery.  Quit the job.  Travel.  Live big.  I joke about forming a posse and have been accepting verbal applications from various people in my life who want various functions in my wealthy life in exchange for some of my wealth.  One person wants to be my personal shopper.  One person wants to be my driver.  One wants to be my bodyguard.  One wants to be my personal assistant.  One wants be my personal chef.  (Actually, I've had three men all offer to be my personal chef. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, oh my!)  I always laugh and tell them, "See me when I win."  Or some other vague comment. 

The reality is -- I probably won't need a posse.  However, it's fun to talk big. And dream big.  I'm a generous person so I imagine I'll share the love and money, but I want it on record now so that there are no law suits later, I have not committed to any of these actual positions.  :)  Well, ok, I did commit on paper to one of the positions, the personal chef position.  I put it in a Christmas card that the person doesn't recall seeing or receiving.  Wouldn't it suck to throw away the one piece of written evidence that you had a piece of my money coming your way?

I told a co-worker the other day that what I will do, however, is throw one helluva party for my posse-wannabes.  I said on the day I collect my winnings, I'll show up at work to collect my one personal belonging there, a houseplant that someone gave me when my cat Molly died.  It has sentimental value.  I said I'd then parade myself and said plant through the office, collecting people as I go, sort of like the Pied Piper.  Then, everyone can walk me to my car and say good bye.  I expect a lot of sobbing and cries of "We'll miss you.  Please don't go. I love you. Please stay."  

I also expect my desk to be raided of all of the good pens and office supplies too. 

Then, we'll all meet up at the local karaoke bar where we'll sing every song we can think of that has to deal with being rich, money, bling, etc.  I'll buy the first couple of rounds and then at the end of the evening, I'll give an envelope to each person who came to celebrate with me.  Inside that envelope will be a little fun money to go out and do whatever the heck they want.  It won't be enough to quit a job, but it will be enough to have one really great day on me.

Today, I told someone that it was quite possibly my last Friday to work ever and I was pretty excited by the thought.  I have a Mega Millions ticket for tonight, a Powerball for tomorrow night and two tickets for the New Year's Day Million Dollar raffle.  That someone asked me if I'd blow my winnings and have to keep on working or if I'd be smart and invest so that I could quit and live comfortably for the rest of my life.

I said I'd do a little of both.

I've always wanted to be a "secret Santa" all year round.  So, I think I'll set aside a chunk of the money to just travel around and make other people's days.  Go into libraries and put $10 bills inside of some of my favorite books.  Go to Goodwill and tuck $20s into coat pockets and old purses.  Leave envelopes with $5s under wipers at the mall. Little things here and there.  Little surprises.  You know how excited you get when you walk across a parking lot and look down and see a dollar on the ground and there's no one around so you pick it up and feel lucky?  I want to be the person who walks around parking lots dropping dollar bills for other people to find.  I'd also like to get bags of loose change and sprinkle them in the mulch at playgrounds and along the oceanfront so that people playing in the mulch and sand can find it.  Fun stuff.

I also want to do that whole crafty/creative thing.  I want to have some bright and airy shop some place where I can make and sell crafty things.  A place warm and breezy.  I keep thinking of the Bahamas or some place like that.  I always imagine my shop being near the ocean where people can come in off of the beach or the street.  The oceanfront here is too congested.  I don't want to compete with all of the other shops.  I envision tinkling wind chimes, open doors, sand, air, ocean...  Seagulls and other sea birds perched on wooden posts outside.  Kids running around barefoot. Comfy flowing caftans, linen slacks and floral shirts.  Mmmmmm..... maybe Hawaii?  I have quite a few crafty/creative friends -- scrap booking, clay, pottery, figurines, gift baskets, candles, knitting, photography, painting, ...  I think I shall invite all of my creative friends to share their wares on a cosignment basis (this gives them an excuse to vacation with me) and invite locals (of the tropical place where my shop is) to share their things too.  We can have classes and fun.  I see fruity drinks, too.  Men with dreads.  Steel drums.  Aaaaaah,  I want to go now.  Mon.

I discovered recently that one of my male friends, the one who called dibs first on being my personal chef, has a creative side as well and would like to do something creative with his life, if he could.  So, as much as I'd like to have him as my personal chef, there is one ... um... stumbling block.  He's allergic to cats.  I want my breakfast waiting for me in the morning so that would require being in my house to cook it.  He can't be in my house to cook it if he's allergic to Abby.  And having him deliver it defeats the purpose of having a live-in chef.  And removing Abby is out of the question.  Although, if I'm rich, I guess I could pay a doctor to find a cure stronger than benadryl for cat allergies. Or I could make him wear a face mask.  Nah, that's too Michael Jackson creepy.

So, I have a new job for him.  He's going to manage my little artisan mall thingy.  He can do his creative thing there and help run my business at the same time. I can come and go as I please, being creative there or being creative at one of my many homes.  He jokes about wanting to run away to Fiji.  I can't promise Fiji but I can promise some sort of non-Virginia Beach beach.  He has management experience and says he can do all sorts of creative things too.  It's a win-win for me.  I'll make sure the place has an apartment upstairs in case he wants to live there.  I've satisfied my promise to him of a good salary doing something fun, along with free room and board.  Of course, I haven't told him this.

I also want to help out my family and friends as much as I can, without bankrupting myself.  Home improvements, college funds, new cars...

And, yes, animal rescue... and other charities.  I have a long list of "causes".  I may even get Abby a little brother or sister. (Fur variety.  I've changed my mind about the human variety.)   I would, however, consider fostering or adopting older children who think everyone has given up on them.

I will do fun things, too.  However, I wanted to blog about the things I'd do for others... just in case those vibes sway those little balls in my favor.  Oh, please, let those balls be in my favor.  I'll love those balls forever.

So, I'm hoping the powers that be will realize I won't be a squanderer and will actually do good things with my money. 

Oh, please please please let this be the last Friday I ever had to work for someone else.

I think I shall now take my lottery tickets to bed and think happy lucky thoughts.  I keep saying 2012 is going to be the year I make big changes.

What better way than with a million or so in cool cash?