A Week of Weird

This is the time when you need a friend
You just need someone near
I'm not looking forward to the night I will spend
Thinking of you when you're not here
How many times will I think about the things
I'd like to do
Always denied the right to live my life the way I want
I want to share it with you

Close your eyes I want to ride the skies
In my sweet dreams
Close your eyes I want to see you tonight
In my sweet dreams

I have not been sleeping well this past week.  I haven't felt well -- have been congested, achey and phlemgy.  I also have been worried about other things going on in my life.  I am absolutely worn down and exhausted, but at the end of the day, when I crawl into bed, I can't fall asleep.  I toss and turn for hours until I finally fall asleep.

Then, once I do fall asleep, I've been having weird dreams.  Weird dreams that feature the same person.  The male person I shouldn't be having dreams about. 

In the first dream, I was shopping with some female friends a la Sex in The City -- trying on clothing and shoes like mad women (which is TOTALLY not something I do).  I don't recognize the women but we must have been close because we were having a good time.  We were even drinking while we did it.  Then, I got home to my apartment (the apartment I have now) and he was sitting on my couch, as comfortable as can be, legs stretched out, watching tv.  He patted the cushion beside him and I flopped down, stating I was exhausted.  He put his arm around my shoulders and gave one of those "hang in there" type squeezes.  I then said, "Seriously, why do women enjoy that so much?  Does your girlfriend like shopping?"  He shook his head and said, without making eye contact and while still staring at the tv, "I don't have a girlfriend anymore.  We broke up.  I realized I didn't love her."

Then, I woke up.

In the second dream, I was having a really nice party in a large loft-style apartment.  It was totally open and people were milling everywhere.  Again, it had this "Sex and the City" feel to it.  Very cosmopolitan.  It was summer time.  I had the balcony doors open and people were coming in and out off of the balcony, which had an ocean/water view of some sort.  I must have had money because I had "workers" going through the crowd passing out food and drinks.  I was distracted, though, and kept looking outside, towards the water. Then, every time the front door would open, I'd look towards the door.   People kept trying to talk to me but I just wasn't totally there. At the end of the party, I was telling people good bye and directing my helpers to clean up when this woman rushed into the party and told me that some guy (whose name I don't recognize) had "fallen overboard".  I said something along the lines of "oh no! is he ok?" but wasn't really sure why she was telling me because I didn't know who the guy was.  Then, she said, "There's more.  You need to sit down."  Then, she told me that the guy I do know had jumped in to save him.  I said, "Oh no!  I hope he's ok!" with a little more alarm.  She said, "Honey, neither body has been recovered." 

Then, I woke up from that one.

In the next dream, I posted on Facebook that for my birthday, I treated myself to a pretty pink and purple butterfly tattoo some place on my body and that I wasn't going to disclose where because I was reserving the first viewing of the tattoo for someone special.  (I'm assuming this fixation is based on the Jason Mraz song "Butterfly" in which he is totally mesmerized and turned on by a woman who has a butterfly tattoo. The song gets me all hot and bothered and makes me wish I had the powers to allure a man by simply walking by him.) Well, the next day, I was at work, but not the job I currently have.  I was in a much much larger building in a more metropolitan environment.  A lot of glass and steel.  It looked like what I imagine the inside of a large magazine or other media outlet or entertainment business would look like.  The guy shows up out of nowhere, while I'm walking down the hall, and pulls me into someone's office and says, "Show me the tattoo!"  I look at him and say, "You don't have the right to see my tattoo."  He laughed and tried to back me into a corner, imposing his presence on me, "Woman, I want to see your tattoo! Now!"  I coyly (and I don't do "coy") smirked at him and said, "Sorry!  That option is reserved for someone special!" then before he could respond, I asked him how he even knew about the tattoo.  "I have my ways.  Who is he?  Do I know him?" he responded, in kind of a frustrated and dark tone.  I ducked under his arm and moved away and said, "Maybe!" and then I left the office.

Then, I woke up.

In the next one, I don't remember all of the details, but I was on a bus to Atlantic City to gamble with the guy from the Bachelorette, Mickey, whom I think is very attractive.  I think Mickey and I were on a date (a nice, long date since the bus trip lasts 7 hours each way).  However, the guy was also on the bus with a woman, whom I'm assuming is his girlfriend.  In my dream, the woman looked a lot like Heidi Klum from Project Runway.  I can't remember the entire dream, but the guy kept interrupting me and Mickey asking me for things, asking me questions, etc.   I was annoyed and Mickey seemed more interested in the guy's date than me.

Then, last night, I had this dream that I lived in this huge quirky old house, with back stairwells, and odd-sized rooms.  It was smack dab in the middle of a street filled with businesses and shops, like the only hold-back. The only residence squished in between a Starbucks on one side and a glittery jewelry store on the other.  I was in my bedroom in this house, wearing my nightgown, and being lazy.  I could hear other people in the living room/parlor of my house.  I opened my door a couple of inches and peeked out and there were all sorts of strangers sitting in booths like they were in a pub-style restaurant.  I became very distressed and decided to get dressed.  I started dumping out laundry bags of clothing, looking for something to wear.  I put on a blouse over top of my nightgown and then pulled on some socks.  

Then, I went out but the restaurant was gone.  Instead, there were a few of my friends sitting on low sofas, hunkered over a coffee table, playing a board game.  They looked up and invited me to play.  I didn't want to play.  I wanted to go back into my bedroom.  They begged me to play.  I grudgingly sat down on the floor but still refused to play.  Then, the guy walks into the room, with a camera, and tries to get me to pose for a photo.  I kept covering my face and head or kept turning away just as he'd snap the photo.  He was getting mad at me.  I told him to leave me alone.  I got up and walked away from all of them.  I walked down one of my hallways and just as I got to the end, a door opened and this woman walked in.  We both looked at each other in surprise.  She said, "I think I made a wrong turn!"  So, I walked through the door she had just existed with her and we were both in the middle of a coffee shop.  We looked at each other, very confused.  Then, we exited the coffee shop and were in this pumpkin patch.  I looked at her and said, "You're on your own" and headed back to the coffee shop to go back to my house, but now the coffee shop was an old antique shop.  I couldn't find my way back home and was wandering down the street in my nightgown, blouse and socks.  I turned a corner and there was the guy.  "Are you ready to go home now?" he asked. "Did you know there's a coffee shop in my house?" I asked back.

Then, I woke up.

(sigh)  I never dreamt about the guy until I realized I had some sort of feelings for him.  Now, he's showing up as the star attraction.  None of the dreams make sense to me.  They always leave me feeling unsettled and disturbed.  More exhausted than rested.

I sense loss, struggle, disappointment, hope, affection, playfulness, attraction....  all sorts of emotions, in each of the dreams.

Wishes my heart makes???  (shaking head)