Viva Las Vegas

Bright light city gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
Got a whole lot of money that's ready to burn,
So get those stakes up higher
There's a thousand pretty women waitin' out there
And they're all livin' devil may care
And I'm just the devil with love to spare
Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas

How I wish that there were more
Than the twenty-four hours in the day
'Cause even if there were forty more
I wouldn't sleep a minute away
Oh, there's black jack and poker and the roulette wheel
A fortune won and lost on ev'ry deal
All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel
Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas

My much anticipated vacation and attempt to cure my American debt... and tell a job I can't stand to stuff it ... has come and gone.  As the saying goes, "Time flies when you are having fun!"

I left early on Friday morning for the airport.  I like to get to the airport early.  Probably too early.  This all stems from a vacation many years ago where I had to do a movie-style sprint through the airport to my gate and just got there as they were calling final boarding because of events that conspired against me and almost caused me to miss my flight.

I pulled into the long-term parking garage and got a little confused and ended up in this sub-ground section that was dark and almost empty.  I didn't want to park in this building but I had already gotten a ticket and I was afraid that if I left, I'd have to pay for the whole day.  I walked several rows trying to find the elevator and as I turned a corner, this man came out of nowhere, wearing a cowboy hat and pulling a suitcase.  He smiled at me and asked me if I was lost.  I said, "No" very quickly and he tipped his hat and blew me a kiss.  He kind of creeped me out.  All I kept seeing in my head was me meeting up with some rapist or serial killer in the bowels of some dark parking garage after my late-night flight got in.  I hurried back to my car and left.  The parking attendant didn't charge me anything, so I circled around and entered another parking garage, one I've used before and knew had a direct entrance into the airport.

Security and boarding were effortless and the wait at the gate was fairly pleasant.  Watched some tv.  People watched.  Practiced in my head what I'd say to my boss when I told her I had won money and was quitting.

The flight, however, was not so effortless.  I guess it didn't occur to me that the airline would not sell something more substantial than snack foods... and I had skipped lunch.  I had a bagel for breakfast - hours before the flight left.  I was absolutely starving during the flight.  I kept eating ice cubes and asking the flight attendant for more water.

I like a nice quiet flight.  No crying babies.  No chatty seat mates.  Just me, my thoughts and maybe a good book.  I bought WORLD WAR Z just for the flight.  Nothing says long-flight entertainment like a book about a zombie apocalypse.

Across the aisle, I had a mother and child watching movies without a headphone on a DVD player.  Behind me, I had three people who talked about politics the entire 5 hour trip.  They covered everything from the Iran hostage situation in the 80s to the most recent terror alerts about someone in the Middle East.  Military, politics, and religion, oh my.  5 looooooooooooooong hours.  I felt like I was stuck in some history or political science class I didn't mean to take.  They were loud and opinionated.  I kept praying that someone would tell them to shut the f*ck up.

Once I got to Vegas, I met up with my friend Rod at baggage claim and then we headed to a salad bar buffet for late lunch/early dinner.  I was so hungry I could have eaten my right foot.  We caught up and chatted for a bit.  Then, he took me to his school and gave me a tour.  After that, we went to his house and I met his friend Craig and reconnected with his mother.  It had been over 15 years since I saw his mother.

We hung out for a bit then Rod, his mother and I went to a locals' favorite type casino.  I had no luck and wasn't feeling any sort of vibe.  We wandered around there for a bit and then went to TGI Friday's for dinner. They were having Halloween-themed drink specials.  One, called the Mummy Maker, caught my eye. It had "Sex on the Beach" in it and that's my favorite mixed cocktail.  It also had a gummy eye in it.  It made me giggle because I have this semi-private joke with a co-worker about my blown pupil incident and have been obsessed with finding things with just one eye.  The waiter, Paul, was young and attractive.  I shared with Rod and his mom that there were 4 possible outcomes for my weekend: 1) unplanned pregnancy, 2) unplanned wedding, 3) unplanned jail visit and/or 4) big win.  Like me, they all hoped for the big win.  (Secretly, 1 and 2 didn't sound too unpleasant -- depending on who the baby daddy and spontaneous spouse were.) 3 had no appeal at all.  I do not look good in orange.  I had two "mummy makers".  The first was a regular sized drink.  The second was much much larger.  Maybe Paul wanted a good tip.  Maybe Paul really wanted to be a baby maker.   I made sure to give him a nice tip.

Then, my body clock reminded me of the time difference and started to shut down.  We went home.  I went to bed.  I fell asleep instantly and had no dreams.  Nice, solid, deep sleep.

I was awake at the butt-crack of dawn on Saturday (thanks to my body clock).  Hung out with Rod and Craig for awhile.  Then, we headed out for breakfast at an Omelet House.  AWESOME cheap food.  Had biscuits and gravy while watching a parade of cars use the dumpster behind the restaurant.  Kept expecting to see someone pull up and take a rolled up carpet with feet poking out from the trunk and toss it in.  Tried to engage the boys in some dumpster diving but they passed.  We headed to the Cosmopolitan and Aria casinos, which are relatively new and which are now in the location where my favorite hotel/casino, the Boardwalk Holiday Inn, used to be located.  I was mesmerized by the high end decorations and shopping.  Had mental "Pretty Woman" moments of being able to walk into any store and buy anything I wanted, especially at Tiffany and Co.  Then, we went to the MGM to do the CSI Experience. 

I really liked that.  I wish it had been a little more hands on, but I enjoy solving puzzles and just like when I watch the show, I had the crime solved in my head almost immediately.  Entered my data and findings into a computer at the end and solved the crime.  Received a diploma via email.

Then, we headed back to the house.  Craig made grilled chicken for dinner.  Then, Rod and I headed to the Hilton to see THE KING, featuring Trent Carlini.  We had general admission tickets but there were so few people there that we were in the second row.  We were so close that Elvis' crotch region was almost "reach out and touch" close.  I have to admit -- I had some impure thoughts about Elvis.  He had a rather... nice... package.  And in tight black pants.  And it's been awhile for me.  So, I allowed myself to fantasize.  He had a nice tush too.  At one point, I was mentally undressing him (he was wearing black leather) and I could have sworn he looked right at me.  I was very embarrassed.  And hot.  I wouldn't have minded adding a nice little "what happens in Vegas" moment with him.  I'm sure he probably gets it a lot.  Women who want Elvis.  He came through the audience at one point and I shook his hand.  I told Rod I was gonna grab his butt, but I chickened out for fear of jail visit.  After the show, I bought some souvenirs and posed for a photo with him.  He seemed smaller and shorter up close.  But, he was still Elvis.   I had dreams about him that night.  Work dreams, though.  I dreamt that my boss hired another trainer and it was an attractive Elvis impersonator and I told my boss that I couldn't work with him because I wanted to do him.  So, she told me to go ahead and do him and get it out of my system because she needed both of us for training.  But, I get ahead of myself.

After the show, we lingered in the casino and I found a penny slot machine I really liked and kept playing the same $20 over and over.  I made it all the way to $60 at one point and cashed out, but then blew the money on quarter and dollar slots, trying to hit some sort of progressive jackpot.   We then went home, hung out a little bit and then I crawled into bed.  Had the Elvis dream.  Slept great.

On Sunday, Rod and Craig made breakfast.  Then, Rod and I went to Caesar's Palace because a co-worker suggested it as having "better" slots than others.  Yeah, no such luck.  I lost a fair bit of money and called it a day.  We drove around for a bit and then headed back home to change and get ready for the Lion King.

I wasn't too thrilled about the Lion King, to be honest.  Now, I love musicals.  I love Disney.  It's just that when the Lion King came out, I had a friend who had a kid and she played the soundtrack over and over and over.  I was so sick of singing and dancing animals that I boycotted the cartoon and anything to do with it.  However, we had great seats and the 2nd half, which focused more on character development and love, than singing and dancing animals wasn't too bad. I got a little teary during "Can You Feel The Love?".

Afterwards, I was super cranky because I was hungry.  I really wanted something Italian.  We went to the Macaroni Grill.  Afterwards, we went home, but I wasn't ready to call it a night.  I wanted one more shot to hit it big.  So, Rod's mom and I went to another locals type casino.  I played for awhile on the same $20, even doubling it at one point.  Then, I took my credit voucher for $29 and put it in the $1 megabucks slot.  I played for awhile, winning just enough to keep it going but not so much that I wanted to quit.  Then, it was all gone and we went home.  I was exhausted but not sleepy so sent some texts to some friends back home.

On Monday, Rod wasn't feeling well so we just hung out at his place in the morning, then, because I was too anxious about my flight, I asked them to take me to the airport early so I could get some lunch and hang out before my flight.  I was several hours early and it was probably a good thing because the printer jammed while printing my suitcase sticker in ticketing.  We had to wait 30 minutes for an IT person to fix the issue because once the jam was cleared, it would not print another sticker.  That was finally fixed.  Then, I got to go through a full body scan machine at the security checkpoint.  I had "4 markers", whatever that means, so I got tagged for a pat down.  It was a little awkward but I just kept focusing on the fact that I wasn't a terrorist and that it was just to make sure we were all safe.  I mean, the saddle bags attached to my ass might not be fat.  They might be highly explosive material.  Must be checked.  They should have the guys from Thunder Down Under do the pat downs.  At least make it worth my time.

Then, once I got to my gate, I discovered my flight was delayed at least 2 hours.  I wandered to the food court, watched people play slots, wondered where they get all of the money to play so heavily, wandered the shops, and then settled in at my gate to do more people watching.  I sent some texts to friends about my pat-down experience and flight delays, hoping to generate some interaction while I waited on my flight.  Thank you to Mandy and Kendall for playing along! 

There was a Bradley Cooper type -- no wedding ring, dress slacks, button down shirt -- sitting on the floor, tapping away on a computer near my gate.  He was attractive in a scruffy business-traveler way.  I kept watching him and making up fantasies in my head about us being seat mates and striking up a conversation.  He'll be moving to Norfolk and I'll offer to show him around.  We hang out, fall in love and have a little house in the suburbs with 2.5 kids, a dog and Abby.  

Then, once we finally boarded, by some stroke of luck, he ended up across the aisle, but a row in front of me.  I covertly watched him most of the flight.  He had nice hands.  Typed fast.  At one point, he had Facebook up and I was trying to see his name/profile.  Relationship status?  Location?  Can I poke you, sir?  He fell asleep at one point and I kept trying to listen for snoring.  Yea, I'm a sad sad case, eh?  It's time for me to find someone or get really drunk, hit the local military-filled bar, get laid and get on with my life.  Yea, I said it.

My seat mate was a young LL Cool J lookalike.  He was traveling to Norfolk to spend some time with his wife.  He told me that she had come to Vegas on vacation and they met in a bar.  They hooked up, fell in love and got married -- very quickly.  So now they travel back and forth, one long weekend together each month in either Vegas or Norfolk.  He said he wants to move to Norfolk but his ex-wife and three kids are in Vegas and he didn't want to be away from them.  She (his wife) wants to move to Vegas, but the job market isn't that great.  I mentioned to him that it must be rough (and expensive) trying to maintain a long-distance relationship.  He said, "It's not so bad.  It's like falling in love all over again when we get together."  That one made me get a little misty-eyed.  

We landed at 2:00 and I was home by 2:45.  I was absolutely freaking exhausted.  I slept a few hours and then made myself get up at my normal time so that I can try to keep my body on East Coast time.  I've been running around all day trying to do a weekend's worth of errands in one day.

So, now I'm home.  I shall now listen to some Jason Mraz and try to perk myself up.  Vacations are so bittersweet.  I enjoy the break from the same old, same old, but then I wish my same old, same old wasn't so.... old.  Or same.