For Love or Money

It's never enough to say I'm sorry
It's never enough to say I care
But I'm caught between what you wanted from me
And knowing if I give that to you I might just disappear

Nobody wins when everyone's losing

It's like one step forward and two steps back
No matter what I do you're always mad
And I, I can't change your mind

It's like trying to turn around on a one way street
I can't give you what you want
And it's killing me and I, I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

Yesterday, one of my Facebook pages had a poll:  "True Love or $10 million.  Which would you choose?"

Without batting an eye, I chose the money.

I've been sitting here tonight, working on my part-time job, and realized that if the perfect man showed up at my door and someone from the lottery commission holding a check for $10 million, I'd have to tell the perfect man hasta la vista.

As much as I bellyache about wanting my soul mate, I realize I think I'd rather have the money more.  At least right now.

I talked to a friend earlier this evening for a few moments.  She's in the process of breaking up with someone and it isn't very clean.  It's actually very messy.  Do I want that?  Not on your life.  She keeps saying it would be less messy and easier if she had more money.

Of course, you may argue that it's a pessimistic approach to assume that the relationship will end messy.  Just like when I joke about finding my future ex-husband and man I'll share custody with some day.  Guess I'm waiting on someone to prove me wrong.

However, I keep thinking about money.  Most of my daydreams and fantasies deal with money.

With money, I could fill my life with things to keep me from thinking about wanting the soul mate.

With money, I could quit the part-time job and free up time to go out and meet people and do things that will keep me from dwelling on a soul mate.

Hell, with money, I could probably pay someone to be a reasonable facsimile of a soul mate if the urge hits me.

I don't know why I've been so aggressive and obsessive about my single status.  I was doing fine.. just fine... until this past spring when a few well-meaning friends started to plant the "it's time" seeds in my head.

It's time?  Time for what exactly?  Time to be misled?  Time to be disappointed?  Time to be put through the ringer?

No.  It's time for me to stop thinking about it.  It's time for me to focus on other things. 

Life is too short and ... well, if it's meant to be, it'll be.

I really could use $10 million.