I Wish...

Just wishing and hoping
and thinking and praying
and planning and dreaming
his kisses will start...
that won't get you into his heart...
so if you're thinking how great true love is
all you gotta do is...

During new hire training, we (well, most of us) like to do these little "get to know you" type games and ice breakers in order to break up the monotony of training and to get to know the trainees on a more personal level.

One of my favorite's is "three wishes" where we get to list what we'd wish for if a genie were to grant our three wishes.  

I have my token reply:

1. Financial Independence

2. My idea of the perfect body (for myself)

3. A soul mate

Sometimes I elaborate.  Sometimes I leave it at that and let the class discuss their dreams and fantasies, while I allow myself to daydream about the possibility of a genie actually showing up to grant my wishes.

Of course, in my daydreams, I'm greedy.  I want more than 3 wishes.  On the TV show I DREAM OF JEANNIE, the astronaut had unlimited wishes.  His genie was his to use however and whenever he wanted.  True, she was in love with him and that's probably why she didn't limit him, but... hey, it's my fantasy and in my fantasy, my genie grants me all of the wishes I want. 

So, I'm going to indulge.  If there's a genie reading this, message me.  I'll give you my address.  I promise that once my wishes are granted, my final wish will be to release you from servitude so that you can enjoy life as a mortal.  

1. Financial Independence.  I know I joke all the time about winning the lottery.  Big.  However, I don't know that I want the publicity and fame (and stalkers and weirdos) that come with a big lottery win.  I don't want the fame.  I just want the fortune. So, in my perfect genie world, I'd wish for all of my credit cards and other debts (i.e. car and personal loan) to be paid off.  Clean slate.  Then, I'd wish for a major cash infusion into my savings, retirement and checking accounts.  A nice healthy sum that if I needed to buy something, I could without scrimping and saving ... and budgeting for months.  Hmmm... maybe $500,000 into each account.  That's "small enough" to fly under the radar for vultures, but "big enough" that I could quit the part-time job and maybe even find a full-time job that is more in line with my personality and needs.

2. The perfect body for me.  I don't want to be a stick figure.  I like being a little different.  I don't find bony women attractive.  I like the look of curvy women.  So, I'd want curves.  I like my breasties.  Along with my eyes, I think they are a positive for me.  Guys who have had conversations with my boobies seem to agree.  But, I'm tired of being invisible.  It's amazing, actually.  As big as I am, I'm highly visible.  Yet, people look past me like they don't see me.   So, I'd ask my magic genie for a "head start" on regaining visibility.  Something closer to what the average woman weighs and wears.  A size I can buy in the regular department at any department store.  I'd want nice toned muscles.  I'd also love to reverse my nerve damage so that I can run, walk fast, dance and do all sorts of athletic things that require the full functionality of both legs again.  I'd also ask for longer, thicker hair. Maybe even perfect eyesight.  Nicer teeth?  Dunno.  Jewel's crooked smile doesn't turn off people so I guess mine is okay.  Growing up, I was jealous of all of the kids with perfect teeth, and hated my crooked gappy teeth. But, they are uniquely me.  Can you tell I want to be more average yet retain uniqueness?  :)

3. My soul mate.  Seems simple enough.  I've blogged for months and months about my soul mate. But, who is it really?  A long, long, long time ago, I saw a therapist after a break up and she had me list all of the things I wanted in my "dream man".  She did it to prove a point that the man I was having a hard time letting go of wasn't for me and ultimately, wasn't what I really wanted, down deep.  She told me to dream big.  I made up my list and carried it around in my purse for years.  Then, I decided that carrying around a wrinkled, torn, deteriorating wish list for a man was pretty pathetic and threw it away.  I always joke that my needs are simple, but considering I'm still single, maybe they aren't.  Someone who loves me for me, who respects me, who isn't afraid to share his feelings about me with me and who can be my friend.  My partner in crime. Funny.  Smart. Someone who rallies for me and who wants me to rally for him. Someone who thinks the things I have to say are interesting and amusing. My cheerleader. My hero. The male version of me. He also has to be great in bed... and if not "great", at least creative.  (Hey, I have needs.) 

I have a knack for being drawn to complicated men.  Men whom I hope I can "fix" or turn around with my charm, sense of humor, quirkiness, love and endless supply of gifts, trinkets, and home-cooked meals.  I also have a knack for being attracted to guys who always see me as the buddy type and who don't really have any serious interest in me other than to have someone to talk to when their male friends are busy or when their girlfriends/wives "just don't understand".  Oh, and the gay man.  I have also been known to be attracted to gay men.  It goes back as far as George Michael in college. :)  The therapist had a theory.  I purposely go after men I can't have because it's safer than going after guys I can have.  Really?  You think?

OK, so those are the three "basic" wishes.  But, this is my blog.  My world.  My fantasy.  I get more than 3.

4.  To be "discovered" and offered a syndicated writing gig, writing a weekly or monthly column similar to the crap I write in my blog.  A real girl's voice of reason or something like that.  "The Guinea Pig Diaries".  Where I go out and try various things and then blog about it.  Speed dating, singles cruises, matchmaking, new trends, new restaurants, dance clubs, "As Seen On TV" gadgets and gizmos, diets, exercise programs, travel spots.  You name it, I try it.  Within reason.  Nothing gross, humiliating or painful.  I won't eat bugs.  I won't bedazzle my vajayjay. 

5. To break out of the "girl next door" role.  I know this is my own fault.  I know that I don't dress sexy.  I don't play games.  I don't gush and coo and make men feel like they are the big bad strong guys who need to help save defenseless little ole me.  Maybe I should?  I've seen strong, intelligent women act like total morons to get guys to help them.  I get mad at myself if I have to ask a male friend to show me again how to resize the image on the smartboard in our training room.  I don't do dumb well.   Hmmm... had a thought while I was typing...  if this is my wish and my genie, f*ck it.  I wish that my "girl next door meets guy next door" type of personality is stunningly sexy to most guys.  Move over Fergie.  I'm Bevilicious and I'm taking over.  My habit of making the most common conversations into something suggestive?  SEXY.  My sarcasm?  SEXY.  My comfy clothing and ugly sandals?  SEXY.  My straight-forward no nonsense approach? SEXY My desire to talk about random sh*t, quote songs and movies? SEXY SEXY. My fondness for wimpy balladeers and "kill myself" music? OK.. I won't make that SEXY.  But, I'd also like to meet a guy who has an open mind.  I will sing and quote Jason Mraz, Jack Johnson, and Bruno Mars.  I will not be ashamed of it.

6. To have a more active social life.  I used to have one.  I miss it.  I want to have opportunities to go out more often.  I want to have to consult my calendar to see if I'm available instead of already knowing that my weekend is wide open.  I want the option to pick and choose what I want to do, if anything.  I want more friends that I can call up and say, "Hey, there's a dueling piano bar in Hampton, let's go tomorrow night." and have them say yes.  More adventurous friends.  Friends who can travel with me and go on cruises with me.  Friends who don't think Vegas and Atlantic City are tacky.  Friends who will go to sappy balladeer concerts and broadway-type shows.  Male and female friends.  I have great friends.  I love my friends.  I just want more of them.  More accessible friends who call me to do things and ask me to do things. I also want more "close friends".  Friends who will check on me when I'm sick.  Friends who want to just hang out.  Friends who can sense when I need a shoulder, good laugh or vent about something. Friends who "need" me for the same things.  I like to be needed.  I need to be needed. (Now, try to get that Cheap Trick song out of your head.)

7. To write a novel and have it published by a real honest to goodness publishing company.  A romance?  A mystery?  Not really sure what but something.  Something I can see on a bookstore's shelf before bookstores go the way of the dinosaur.  I want to have book signings and dedicate the book to my friends who have supported my writing.

8.  To find a job I thoroughly enjoy ... or to start my own home-based business where I'm the boss and can set my own hours and duties.  Something fun and inspiring and creative.  Something with fun co-workers and time to goof off.  Something that does not suck the spirit out of me.  Flexible hours.  No evenings or weekends.  Meaningful.  Satisfying.  Preferably close enough to the beach to be able to take my lunch outside and sit on a bench and watch the water while I eat.

9. For LOST to come back.  OK, I know that's a pretty lame wish, but I really do miss that show.  And discussing it.  I haven't been able to find a suitable substitute since it ended.  Oh, I need to update my soul mate criteria to include a fondness for LOST and the ability to recite the numbers.  (The Numbers are baaaaaaaaaad.)

10. A brief and satisfying "lucky streak".   I love to buy lottery tickets and scratchers because there's that small glimmer of hope that I'll win something.  I still don't want the fame and attention that comes with a big win, but I'd love to have a bunch of small wins.  Maybe two solid weeks of winning.  (WINNING!)  Bingo, scratchers, Vegas slots, Atlantic City slots...  sweepstakes, drawings, 50/50 raffles.   Nothing so big that it draws attention, but nice little boosts that satisfy my desire to experience what it feels like to win something.  Pocket cash. Rainy day money.  Fun funds.

and lastly,

11. To be super motivated to do things that I need to do.  Lately, I've been sort of distracted and have a hard time making myself do things.  I can't focus on my PT job.  I should be doing it right now, but here I am, watching the 2nd hour of TERRA NOVA and blogging.  I signed up for bellydancing classes but then didn't go back to pay for them and now the class is full.  I used to go to the pool every Saturday for exercise but I haven't gone for over a month because it's cold when I get out of the pool and I hate trying to get dressed when I have goosebumps all over my body.  I need more exercise.  I need to eat healthier.  I need to stop procrastinating.  So, I'd like to have more energy and motivation.  Even some willpower.   Nothing super outrageous.  I want to still have the option to sleep in on rainy mornings and watch movies all day in my nightgown if I want to.  I just want that extra oomph that I need to make the right decision when it comes down to "healthy versus unhealthy" decisions.  Like, going to the gym BEFORE taking a nap.  Or, eating the salad BEFORE I eat the slice of warm apple pie.  Or, doing work BEFORE screwing around on Facebook in the Doubledown Casino, where I'm 22 million dollars in the hole, or trying to think of witty things to post to see how many responses I can get.  I love the attention and knowing that people are amused enough to comment.  Lately, that hasn't been happening.  Don't know if people are sick of me -- or if all of the changes to Facebook has made me invisible there too.

Ah....  it's fun to wish.  I love to daydream.  Now, where's my genie, darn it?

A friend gave me a metal lantern from a trip to Vegas a few years back -- when the Aladdin was still there -- and every now and then, I rub it, hoping for a puff of smoke and a genie to appear.

I know it's odd, but... well, it's like buying those scratchers.  You just never know what might happen.  Gotta play to win.

Gotta rub it to make things happen.  This applies to many things, actually.  ;)