Day Eight

A few years ago, I was struggling with some issues in my life and contacted the company "employee assistance" line. They set me up with 10 free counseling sessions with a therapist.

At the time, I was having issues with personal relationships, money, work and stress -- pretty much the same things I'm having issues with now.

The therapist was pretty helpful but I wasn't totally open with her. I only skimmed the surface, hoping for some major breakthrough that never really happened. Oh, there were some insightful moments -- a discovery about how my parents used money and things to keep me under their thumbs emotionally, my bad habit of being drawn to men who wanted to control and/or change me and my constant need to "shake things up" because I don't know how to cope unless there's some sort of drama. The sessions led to me eventually losing over 70 lbs, ending a toxic relationship and changing career paths at work so they weren't totally without value. I just couldn't commit to digging deeper.

Here I am, right back in the same place. Sort of. I no longer seek out men who want to control or change me. My parents have no control over me financially and I don't allow them to guilt me into visits any longer. When I do visit, I stay in a hotel and choose the length of time I want to spend with them. I'm still working on the "no more drama" thing.

So, tonight after work, I called my company's employee assistance line and sought out some help. The young lady on the other side of the phone listened patiently and then told me that she could never do my job or deal with the amount of stuff I'm dealing with and gave me the name of a therapist. She "approved" 3 free sessions. Guess my current employer is cheaper than my previous employer. I called the therapist and left a message. We'll see if I can finally conquer this need for drama in my life and maybe learn some coping techniques that do not involve large quantities of alcohol, and/or prescription medications.

If I win the mega millions tonight, I'll cancel the therapy request, quit my job and consider myself cured.