To Make You Feel My Love

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
To make you feel my love 

I think this song is one of the best love songs ever written.  Garth Brooks' version, not Adele's version.  

Last weekend, I wrote about safe relationships.  My bad habit of falling for men who are safe because they'll never love me back either because they can't -- or because they just don't. 

A friend read the blog and dared me to place an ad on a dating site so that I can actually see what it's like to remove myself from the comfort (and agony) of safe relationships. She challenged me and said that if I continue to remove myself from situations where I can actually meet men then I need to suck it up and deal with the consequences and accept that I will continue to fall for impossible relationships and impossible men.

So, I was on Facebook and an ad came up on the side inviting me to meet men who were waiting to meet me. (eyes rolled)  I clicked the link.  

My first mistake was thinking that Facebook would endorse a quality dating site.  It's called Zoosk and it was free for me to place a profile and review other people's profiles but if anyone indicates an interest in me, then I have pay for a membership to see who is interested. I spent some time reviewing ads of people who didn't have profile photos because I didn't want to be swayed by someone's photo.  I wanted to be swayed by their profiles.  I found a few that were interesting.  I even found someone who listed "Sarcasm" as a hobby.  That made me smile. Sarcasm is also a hobby of mine.  For a day, I didn't have a photo on my profile.  I wanted to see if anyone would find me without a photo.  No nibbles.  So, I added a photo from a holiday get together from this past December.  I'm wearing a beret and goofing for the camera.  I wanted to portray my funny side. I've gotten a few "winks" but I don't want to pay to see who winked at me.

So, I told my friend about my disappointment with this website.  She tsked at me via text and told me I was making excuses and that she wouldn't be surprised if I didn't purposely put crazy assed shit in my profile (her words) to deter men from seeking me out.  Not true.  I was myself.  Honest.  

Last night, I came home to an email strongly suggesting I try a "real" site like eHarmony.  "The commercials can't lie," she said.  So, I succumbed to visions of me dancing in a silly commercial, spouting about my true love and soul mate, which I found on eHarmony, while strains of Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" or other love song plays in the background.  I spent two hours... TWO hours... completing the profile because I want to give it the old college try.  I want to show my friend I've taken her seriously. There was a small part of me that wants a total chick flick moment where one of my safe relationships ends up being my match.  Insert Twilight Zone music AND Jason Mraz music in that commercial.  I'd post the link here but it won't give me a generic link.  Guess you have to be a registered user of eHarmony to find me and see my profile.  

Here's the thing - I'm scared crapless about this little one-month challenge. 

I don't date well.  I don't.  I suck at making small talk with total strangers.  I am not myself.  I am not funny.  I am nervous.  I feel uncomfortable.

I have had a lot of first (and only) dates in my life.  The last time I seriously put any effort into online dating was about 7 years ago when I wanted to make someone else jealous and prove to my friends I could live without him.  I think I got a few dates out of it but nothing else.

For me, to know me is to love me.  I LIKE meeting people at school, at work, through friends, through hobbies, etc because it doesn't feel like a date.  I can be myself.  I can be funny.  I can take my time and worm my way into their hearts and minds.  But...  that obviously isn't working out.  At least not in the love category. It's great for making friends. I have more male friends than female friends.

But, I've promised my friend I'd at least give it a try.

Maybe I'll find someone who will make me feel his love.  (Get your mind out of the gutters.)