No More Drama

So tired, tired of this drama
No more, no more
I wanna be free
I'm so tired, so tired

Broken heart again
Another lesson learn
Better know your friends
Or else you will get burned
Gotta count on me
Cause I can guarantee
That I'll be fine

No more pain (no more pain)
No more pain (no more pain)
No drama (no more drama in my life)
No one's gonna make me hurt again

I had some of the most unique new hires this session.  They were all nice women.  Friendly, talkative.  They all loved me and said that they felt like they knew me forever and that they would love to hang out with me.  I'm always flattered when they (the new hires) feel like they've bonded with me. 

That said, it was one heck of a week for drama, though.  

I do not thrive on drama.  I like a peaceful existence.  I'm not prone to confrontation.  Although, I can give as good as I get and could probably win a good debate or argument if I wanted to.  I have passion in my blood.  I often joke with a male friend that I want to make junk punching an Olympic sport and I want him to be my sparring partner.  But, violence and drama are not my thing.  Maybe it comes from growing up in a pretty volatile family with parents who fought all the time.  Screaming and fighting are not my method of communication.  I'm a lover, not a fighter.  This doesn't mean I don't know how to raise my voice to be heard, though.  I'm not a wimp.

So, the reason why I need to point this out is because these women seemed to want to inspire me to drama this week.

It actually started a couple of weeks ago when I filled in for a friend who was out sick and trained them for two days.  I was sick myself and wasn't myself.  I tried my best to be perky and happy with them, have fun with them and make a rather dry training topic fun.  We did some ice breakers and get to know you stuff.  As is normal these days, whenever I tell the new hires I'm single, this seems to cause alarm.  I'm not entirely sure why.  Maybe they know something I don't know.  In the current class, there were a couple of rather outspoken women who wanted to keep asking me questions about my love life.  I would give them basic answers - "I loved someone once.    Treated me badly.  Cheated on me.  I don't want that again."  I figured I'd give them enough personal info to satisfy their curiosity and then get them off of my back.  Oh, no.. Not this crew.  "Girl, did you hunt her down?  Did you tell her he was your man?"  I made a face and said no -- that it never occurred to me to hunt down some woman and assert my "ownership" of a man.  "He cheated on me.  He slept with someone else.  I found out from a mutual friend.  He didn't even tell me himself," I said, as way of explaining.  "Why would I want him back?  He slept with someone else.  Don't you get it?  I don't want someone if they don't want me enough to keep it in their pants."

Yeah, no.  They proceeded to give me advice on all of the things they'd do if they were in a similar situation.  Then, I explained this was YEARS ago and I have no desire to dredge up the past.  I've moved on.  He's moved on.  End of story.

Then, it was about sex.  Did I have anyone in my life who was a "jump off"?  What the heck is a jump off?  Turns out it's a booty call.  Someone to just do and that's it.  Yeah, I explained to them (although I had no obligation to do so) that I'm old-fashioned and believe love and sex go hand in hand.  I can't separate the two.  I can't.  That's just me.  I need an emotional attachment with someone.  They assured me that they were going to find me someone to be my jump off and then I'd change my mind.  This actually scared me.  They asked me what I liked in a man.  I listed my grocery list of ingredients - smart, funny, open-minded, educated, clean-cut, smells nice, creative, witty...  They stopped me.  "No, girl.  You are describing your soul mate.  We're talking about the baser things.  What turns you on?  What does he look like?  What kind of man do you want to wrinkle your sheets?"  I thought for a minute.  Then, I said, "Smart, funny, open-minded, educated, clean-cut, smells nice, creative, witty..."  This frustrated them.  They dropped the subject.

Then, they decided that I must already have someone and was just playing with them.  They tried to trick me.  Asked me the last time I went on a date.  What was the most romantic thing that happened in my life recently.  When was the last time a guy did something nice for me.  Who was the last person to make me laugh.  Who was I texting during breaks?  Who was that guy I hugged in the hallway?  Who is that guy who looks at my butt when I walk by him in the break room?   I dodged many of the questions.

"Don't you want to get married?"
I don't know.  I do want a commitment some day.  I don't know if marriage is it, though. (This led to a discussion on what "commitment" meant to me.  I already discussed this in my BOYFRIEND blog.)


"Don't you want to have a baby?"
Maybe.  I don't know. Depends on the man. (This led to a discussion about biological clocks and adoption and how I'd be a good mom and a fun mom.)

I have a fairly good relationship with my male co-worker.  You already know that if you read my blog.  We have each others' backs.  We have the same kind of sense of humor and can play off of each other.  We also get along fairly well and enjoy talking to each other during breaks.  We also eat lunch together.  Occasionally, we text each other funny things.  Mostly me texting him.  But, I like to annoy him.  It's how I roll.  We don't hang out outside of work. I haven't earned that trust yet.  Maybe someday.

They picked up on this friendship immediately, before I even had a chance to tell any of my usual "funny stories" about him.  Since I was not giving them anything to work with in regards to the men in my life - past, present or future - they decided that they were going to focus on my friendship with him.  

"You two are dating, right?"

No.

"OK, seriously, we won't tell anyone.  Is there a policy against dating?"

There's nothing to tell. We're good friends. No, there isn't any policy.

"Have you ever dated a co-worker before?"

Not here.  But, yes, I dated a co-worker before.

"Did it work out?"

I'm still single.  What do you think?

"Would you date a co-worker again?"

Yes.  Considering I spend 9 hours a day here, 5 days a week, I think here is probably where I will meet someone. (This led to a discussion about personal ads and I shared my dissatisfaction and frustration with personal ads.)

"Then, why aren't you two dating?"

We're good friends. Besides, I think he's seeing someone.

"You need to change that. Get him drunk. Do things to him."

No. That crap doesn't work. (This led to a discussion about how chick flicks have warped our minds into thinking that just because two people get along they have to be secretly in love with each other and that only through drunken sexual encounters do they realize it.)

"You get along so well. You're fun together."

Yes, we're fun together and get along well. We have a bond. That's why we're friends. I get along well with other guys, too.  Do you want me to get them drunk, too? Do things with them?

"Yes! Are they single?"

(SIGH)

This led to them pointing out various men who walked by, talked to me, smiled at me, looked at me or slightly leaned in my direction.

And on and on and on it went.  All week.  Luckily, I'm smart enough to know what to say and what not to say.  I kept giving them other things to talk about, usually about television shows and movies, every time they tried to insinuate more. Gave them more work to do.  Gave them a quiz. I even got serious and tough and they got mad at me.

I assured them that we were good friends and that I didn't care what people thought of us spending time together. I like him and he likes me and we have fun together. Nothing was going to change that and as much as I appreciated their morbid fascination in my love life, I wasn't taking advice from them.  I explained that I don't respond to peer pressure. They didn't like that. I wonder how they would have responded if I had said, "A psychic said we're meant to be just friends."?  (laughing inside)  I just think that they get so wrapped up in their drama that they can't understand two people who can get along as well as we do without us having some sort of drama of our own. What they don't realize is that he and I have the kind of friendship where we know what people say about him/us and we joke about it and then keep on doing our thing.  We're both like honey badgers. We don't care. We are what we are.

I wasn't the only one they wanted to draw into their drama, though.

Each morning, while they booted up their systems and got ready for the day, they'd chat with one another and I'd fiddle with my papers, trying not to hear.  

One girl talked about how she has a male friend who likes to hang out with her.  However, he has a girlfriend who doesn't know he likes to hang out with her.  She (the girl in my class) likes the male friend (of course she does!) and decided to let his girlfriend know she exists.  The girlfriend drove to her place and "stared at her".  She wanted to fight said girlfriend.  I mocked her in my head.  Yeah, that would go over real well.  If I were a guy and two women got into a cat fight over me, I'd want nothing to do with either one of them. Too much drama.

Then, one of the other girls chimed in with the news that she had a male friend, too, whom she hung out with.  (I'm starting to think "hang out" = have sex, which probably explains why my male friend won't accept my invites to "hang out" sometime.  He probably thinks I want to have sex.)  I innocently thought she was just hanging out with him -- watching movies, having dinner, talking -- until she announced in class that she was "having a miscarriage" and rushed out of the room.  She was in the bathroom for awhile and then came back and said, "Whew, just my period!"  My eyes goggled then.  Obviously, she's doing something with the male friend if the possibility of a "miscarriage" came to mind over period.  I mean -- I'm not having sex, so when Aunt Flo visits each month, I don't think "miscarriage" first.  I shared this odd story with my male friend and we joked that each month, I should announce I had a miscarriage so we can all know when I might be less than perky.  He even suggested I start naming them.  I might get a baby book.  I said I want to do a weather report.  "Approaching us this week will be Agatha.  She's scheduled to arrive in the vicinity on Wednesday, bringing bouts of crying and horniness.  She's expected to linger for 3-5 days and then leave everyone peacefully..."  (Yes, we really do talk about these kinds of things!  I told him we could become a game like "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" because no matter what we talk about, we (and by "we", I mean "me") can usually discuss something to do with sex by the end of the conversation.  I've already blogged about the "Junk" fixation.)

Another one liked to announce when she has toilet issues.  "I was on the toilet for two hours.  Must have been something I ate." 

They eventually dropped the subject about me and my male friend and moved on to other men possibilities, but I'm sure, in their heads, there is some major thing going on that will involve drunken sex, me fighting with some woman in his life and possibly getting pregnant.  Life is like that for them.  

Not for me.  I don't believe in "getting someone drunk" just to have them want to do things with me.  I definitely would not use it to trick someone into a sexual relationship.  Sex does not fix everything.  I don't fight with women over men.  That's just skanky. I believe in free will.  If a man wants to be with me, he'll be with me.  I'm not going to take out the competition.  (eyes rolled)  For the record, I tried the "getting someone drunk" thing once.  It didn't work.

Here's the thing about me... I think life is too short for so much drama. It seems like I have this knack for collecting people who like drama.  It's not just co-workers and new hires.   After awhile, it wears me down.

I've been working really hard to have a positive outlook lately.  I wrote about that in my last blog.

I have a few friends who have been going through some issues.  They have been calling me to discuss their issues.

I am a problem solver.  I tell people all the time -- "If you drop your problem on me, I'll help you find a solution.  If you just want to vent, you need to tell me that or else I'll try to help you out."

Sometimes, they always want to vent and the solution to their misery is right in front of their faces -- leave the bastard, get a new job, save your money, move, delete the dating profile, see a doctor, cut up the credit cards, pay your bills, brown-bag it, stop texting him, stop sleeping with him....   The advice is simple and blunt but they don't want it.

So, I have been putting my foot down.  I fix my problems.  Yes, yes, I go through this "talk it out" period where I rehash everything.  Analyze everything.  Do a play by play of everything.  Then, I go through this adjustment phase -- I cry a little, I bitch a little, I don't sleep.... I make up my mind. Then, I come up with a solution.

I joked about it on Facebook.  I said the Darnell method of dealing with serious things is to ignore them until they go away OR they become so serious you have to deal with them.  If they don't go away or escalate, they weren't really problems to begin with.

I've noticed I'm losing popularity with those who just want to be miserable.  But, I guess that just means that maybe we weren't that great friends to begin with --- or maybe they just need their space to work this out on their own and I've been too enabling.  Whatever.  I'll be here when they are ready for me again.  I'm loyal to my friends.  I just need to remember who wants solutions and who doesn't.  It's hard for me not to want to fix things.

I believe positive energy breeds positive energy.

An example of this -  yesterday, my friend Janelle and I went to Harborfest in downtown Norfolk.  I have made it my mission to try as many of the cultural events here as possible this year so that I can decide if I want to stay or want to go at the end of the year.  I like to change things up and move around every few years.  Maybe if I ever do meet someone and settle down, this wanderlust will change.  However, right now, there's nothing keeping me here.  I'm thinking West Coast for my next adventure, but... until then, I'm keeping an open mind about this area.

We walked around, took photos, joked and laughed.  I told her stories about work and she told me stories about her family visits.  Good times.  Then, we settled in for the Colbie Caillat concert.

This woman asked if we minded if she sat in front of us.  We said no, we didn't mind.  Within minutes, we started chatting.  I can talk to anyone.  I guess it comes from my career choices.  It's funny -- I was so painfully shy as a kid... and now, I can strike up conversations with just about anyone.   I brought some dollar store glow sticks with me and it was the "arts and crafts" ice breaker we needed.  We started making funny things out of them and wearing them and taking photos with them.  I made jokes about sailors, meat on a stick, giant turkey legs, snipers on the roof, etc etc etc.  I think there is just this comedian inside of me that feels the need to entertain.  I was totally sober, too.  I don't need alcohol to have fun.  I never did.  The woman kept saying how funny I was and how much fun she was having.

All I kept thinking was that this was the universe repaying me for having a positive outlook.  Anyone could have sat down there.  Anyone.  The woman who looked like Justin Bieber.  The couple who kept groping each other.  The couple who sneered at us when we put our chairs near theirs. Instead, we got a nice, funny woman from DC who was as impulsive and goofy as we were.  It made for great entertainment.  We exchanged names and have since friended each other on Facebook.

When you decide to say good-bye to drama, good things happen.

And, no, really, I'm not dating anyone.  Really.