My Funny Valentine

My funny Valentine, sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable, unphotographable
Yet, you're my favorite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

I stopped at the drugstore tonight to pick up a prescription on my way home from work.  It was dark, wet and a bit dreary.  I was feeling a bit lethargic and headachey. I was kind of in a blue mood.  Sad.  Tired.  Sick.  I just wanted to go home and go to bed.

However, the store is in full bloom for Valentine's Day.  A sea of pink and red greeted me.  I felt a smile come to my face.  My favorite colors.  How could I not feel better after seeing my favorite colors.

This probably won't come as a surprise, but I love Valentine's Day.  I know, I know -- shock, dismay.  I won't lie -- I get a little disappointed that I can't spend the love day with someone I love, but I love love.  I love romantic love, friendly love, pet love, family love, cartoon love...  Love songs.  Poetry.  Chick flicks. Doodling hearts over "i"s.  Flowers.

I don't think that I've ever had an actual "Valentine" on Valentine's Day.  I think a guy sent me flowers in 1999 for Valentine's Day, but I didn't like him that way so I politely thanked him for the flowers and he never spoke to me again.  I'd like to have someone whom I liked that way and who liked me back.  It just hasn't worked out.  Still, my love for V-tine's Day is undaunted.

I miss the days of home-made mailboxes made out of milk cartons or shoe boxes, decorated with paper lace doilies, metallic heart stickers and all of the red and pink construction paper you could find.  I would always get fancy with my mailbox.  I figured the fancier it was, the more Valentine's I'd get.  Glitter.  I love glitter.  Feathers. Yeah, I think I even tried feathers one year.

You'd perch the box on your desk at school and then everyone would walk around and put the Valentines in your box.  You'd hope that the cute guy who sat across the room would give you something mushy (or as mushy as you could get when you're 8 or 9.)  You'd hope that the weird kid who flipped his eyelids inside out would give you the "Hey Pal" Valentine.  Sometimes, someone would splurge and you'd get those cherry lollipops with the white heart imprinted on them that when you placed your tongue on them just right, you'd get a white tattoo of a heart on your tongue.  Boys always seemed to send action hero cards.  My personal favorite were Snoopy and Holly Hobby.

I love conversation hearts.  Not to eat them. To save them.  I love looking through them for the best hearts with words like "love me" or "hug me" or "ask me".  I bought some over the weekend and was dismayed that they've updated some of the phrases to "Go 4 it" and "U Rock" and "Step Up."  No, no, no.  Love is not about textual abbreviations and hip hip phrases.  Love is action verbs and the pronouns "you" and "me".  "Love Me" and "Love You".   I have a small collection forming on my desk at work.  Smile.  Hug Me.  Love Me. Ask Me.  I figure that if I stare at them long enough, some sort of weird miracle will occur and the love genie will show up on February 14 and grant me a love wish that will involve all of those action verbs and more.

Here's a confession.  Every year, when the stores put out the adult Valentine's Day cards, I will stand there and read just about every single one of them, looking for the "perfect" card -- the one I'd send someone if I had someone.  It's usually funny or cheesy.  Some sort of play on words or silly innuendo.  If I'm interested in someone at the time, it's usually fairly easy to find the right card or cards.  Then, I read the cards and pick out the one(s) I'd like to receive... that if I were in a relationship, which ones would I wish the guy knew me well enough to pick out for me.  Again, usually something funny or that has a private meaning.  I don't really get into the gushy sappy ones.  Shoebox Greetings.  Yeah, more my speed.   Remember my blog about psycho pick up lines?  "You've stolen my heart, but that's ok.  I have three more in the freezer at home."  

There was a time I used to actually take it a step further and buy the cards.  When I moved from Ohio to Virginia, I found at least 10 unused, unsent Valentine's Day cards that I had bought during the 10 years I had lived in Columbus.  I tossed them out symbolically as a sign of turning over a new leaf.

When I was a supervisor, I put together little Valentine's Day treat bags for my team.  Just because we're grown ups, it doesn't mean we can't enjoy a little harmless love now and then.  I'd buy pencils, erasers, stickers, candy and those little paper "made for school kids" cards and put them on each employee's desk.  They were tickled at the gesture.

I wish more people made the effort these days to realize how far one small gesture can go.

Will U B My Valentine?  Such a simple question, but full of so much promise and hope.

If you can't ask me yourself, I have some candy hearts that might help.