Getting To Know Me

Getting to know you,
Getting to feel free and easy
When I am with you,
Getting to know what to say

Haven't you noticed
Suddenly I'm bright and breezy?
Because of all the beautiful and new
Things I'm learning about you
Day by day. 

Once upon a time, when I wanted someone to get to know me, I would engage them in good old-fashioned conversation.  If we didn't live close by and/or didn't have the convenience of regular conversation, we possibly wrote letters.  I didn't have email until 1995, so until then, it had to be letters or conversation.  No other choice.  Life was simpler.  The getting to know you process took some time, but in the end, I think it was probably worth it.  Some of the friends I have today are people whom I took some time to get to know -- peeled back layers, bit by bit.  Storing, processing the information much like a computer does.  Making my analysis. Generating the decision as to whether or not I wanted to keep that person in my life long-term, short-term or not at all.

Over the years, technology has made it quicker and easier to get to know someone -- or at least gather the facts a little quicker to input the data for analysis.  I'm guilty of hasty decisions.  I've been the victim of hasty decisions.  I don't know how many times in the past I've said to someone, "If they had just taken the time to get to know the real me.  All of me."

I had a new friend a long time ago -- a relatively new friend -- and we talked on the phone for over 6 hours about everything and nothing.  It was one of the best phone calls I ever had.  By the time the call ended, the sun was coming up and I felt so much better about that person, who they were and whether or not we'd be friends.  We're still friends today.  There are a few people in my life whom are so interesting that I bet we could talk hours and not run out of things to say.  I'd love to have a grown up slumber party and lie in bed and talk until our voices get hoarse, making jokes, and being fools.  In the morning, you wake up with that warm feeling like you've made a friend for life.

Now, we have Linked In, Facebook, MySpace (I think), Twitter, Flickr, Blogger, WordPress, personal websites, classmate websites, message boards, instant messenger, smart phones, not-so-smart phones, texting, email, voice mail...   Information overload.  Just about everything about us is out there just waiting to be found.  I googled myself once and was shocked to realize that you could see my Amazon wish list and products I had purchased and reviewed.  I googled a screenname I used and my email address and found message board posts dating back to 2004.  Luckily, I don't have any big bad secrets and didn't post anything I didn't mind people reading, but if you are sleuthy, you can find things.  A friend is always joking about how much information there is out there on us and how leery he is and I usually laugh it off.

I have this blog.  I write all about myself in the blog.  I don't plan on stopping that anytime soon.  When I meet someone (and by someone, I mean a man) that I may be interested in or think might be a possibility at some point, I offer up the link to my blog.  Sometimes, they take it.  Sometimes, they don't.  To be honest, I'm offended when I offer my blog info to people and they don't want it.  

You see, I'm a curious person.  I like finding out things about people.  If I go to a person's house, I like to see what book titles are on their shelves, what CDs are in their music library, what DVDs are stacked by the DVD player.  I like to see what kind of magazines they have lying around, if I can see the local newspaper anywhere, if they have cookbooks, photo albums (I LOVE PHOTO ALBUMS), yearbooks, etc.  Yes, I even snoop in medicine cabinets, sniff lotions left out and even cologne and aftershave.  It's all part of forming a profile of that person.  I love trying to create a composite in my head about the person based on these things and then as I get to know them, see if the pieces fall into place or did they have an ex-girlfriend, roommate or other person leave things behind that totally threw me off (like that episode of How I Met Your Mother when Ted sees all of these things in a girl's apartment thinking they are hers and comes to the conclusion she is his soul mate, but then finds out they all belong to someone else.)

Because I'm so curious, I expect people to be just as curious about me. Especially men who might be interested in being a date or whatever at some point.  So, I share the blog to take out the middle man. To cut to the chase.  To condense it all.  The dummies guide to me.  The cliff notes version of who I am.  Bevy 101.

I figure everyone is just so busy that if I give them the blog link, then they can come in some afternoon, read all there is to read about me and say "Yeah, not for me" or "Wow, where has she been all my life?"  

A former friend used to caution me all the time that my blog was too much information for a mere mortal of a man to handle and used to suggest all the time that I tone it down, edit it, or talk about something other than myself to keep from scaring men away.  I asked a male friend to read it from a "single man's" perspective and give me feedback but he never did.  I think maybe he was afraid of what he'd find and I think maybe my former friend may have been right?  Maybe men can't handle the truth.  (Channeling my inner Jack Nicholson.)

I've offered my blog link to a couple of men in the past year whom I really liked and wanted to get to know better and hoped the blog would make them realize we had a lot more in common than meets the eye.  They both politely turned me down.  Well, ok, one outright turned me down.  One took the link but then never read the blog.  I asked him and he would just change the subject, which told me he wasn't reading it.  To me, it was like they were shunning me, rejecting me, saying they weren't interested in me.  Now, this could quite correctly be the answer.  I hope it was just that they are/were dying to get me alone and pick apart my brain and realize I'm the one who is going to change it all for them.  Make all past hurts disappear.  Fill their soul.

However, someone gave me another possibility tonight that I never considered.  Maybe they want to get to know me the old-fashioned way.

I was getting ready to go to bed.  At 7:00.  Yes, I know it was early but well, not to beat a dead horse, I've been sick.  7:00 is my normal bed time now it seems.  But, I will get better.  I will. I refuse to keep losing nights and weekends to this crud.

I digress.  A friend I hadn't talked to in awhile called at 7:00.  She asked how I was doing and I thought she meant my illness.  I said, "Well, you probably read on Facebook..." and she said that although she has a Facebook account, she doesn't go on there.  What?  How is that possible?  What do you mean you aren't on here every day, for hours on end trolling for status updates and memorizing my quotes and witty sayings?

So, we played catch up.  She told me about her life.  I told her about mine.  I asked her if she ever read my blog and she said not really -- maybe once or twice.  She said she knew I was a good writer but that she would rather just talk to me about what is going on in my life.  So, I told her about a few men I had met and how I wanted them to read my blog so badly that I thought about signing them up for it against their will.  She reminded me that not everyone wants to read about someone and that they'd rather get to know them their own way -- through questions, observations, conversation, dates.  It made sense.  It helped ease the sting a little.  

Of course, the men in question didn't show any signs of being interested in me the "old-fashioned" way, but now I can maybe chill a little and not be so quick to offer up my blog.  The URL is on my info page of my Facebook profile.  The link has been posted heavily on my FB wall.  If they ask for it, I'll gladly give it.

Now, will this stop me from secretly fantasizing about the one guy who will read it, love it and in turn, love me?  No.  Will this help me feel better about people who seem to have no interest in reading it?  Yes.

For now, at least.

To know me is to love me.  How you get there is totally up to you. Just get there.